If the concept of talking together with your teen reminds you more of a tug of war than an actual conversation, you’re not alone. Many parents and teenagers alike report feeling disconnected and frustrated with the state of communication of their family.
Why does communication often develop into difficult, and sometimes even awkward when our kids reach the teenager years? Is it true that hormonal changes or a rebellious attitude create distance between a teen and their parent/s? What makes teens feel defensive when asked, “how was your day?”, when just a couple of years ago, that very same child talked about every part and anything while within the automotive ride home?
And now that you just are here, how will you work to shift the communication relationship so that you just and your teen/s feel heard, seen, and secure to share?
The excellent news is that there are numerous strategies for fogeys to attempt to open the lines of communication with their teens. The tougher news is that not every strategy will work for one and all, and thus parents ought to be open to trying different strategies that match the personality of their family. Parents ought to be able to try, give time, and style to themselves and their teens. Just as adult members of a family have different personalities, so too do teens. If you have got multiple teen in your life, chances are high they could have different communication styles from each other. What creates meaningful discussion between two people will differ. While chances are you’ll find conversations easier with one among your kids, a conversation together with your other or a unique child within the household may feel more strained. Remember to validate every personality style in your household and frame expectations accordingly.
When you might be able to begin the shift in communication, one should start with evaluating where the present relationship stands.
- What is your teen willing to share with you?
- What do you speak about probably the most?
- What topics do you are likely to confer with your teen probably the most?
- Do you ask about grades, responsibilities, chores, or schedules?
If you notice that conversations are mostly parent-led about responsibility or topics that require task completion that is an ideal place to begin. Try to shift towards your teen talking about other areas of their life to enhance the standard of your communication.
Strategies to extend communication
1) Listen greater than you talk. If your teen is willing to speak and share, practice lively listening. Focus your questions on what you hear them say. Small details to chances are you’ll be a much larger detail to your teen.
2) If your teen has more energy later within the evening, attempt to talk with them then. As teens navigate these difficult years, their rhythm often creates a more lively brain within the later hours of the day. Opening the lines of communication when teens are more ready to speak might be a change in the correct direction.
3) Try non-verbal communication. Share a journal where chances are you’ll find a way to put in writing notes backwards and forwards. Engage in text chats together with your teen when possible and appropriate of their day. Even in case you receive a one word answer back, keep at it. Try so as to add in topics that aren’t only about your teens responsibilities.
Some phrases to try:
- I’m pleased with you because…
- That was cool when ….
- I actually liked talking about …. with you today
- Thank you for ……
4) Silence may be golden… When giving it your best effort to begin a chat together with your teen doesn’t work and you might be met with the silent treatment, it may well feel frustrating. Sometimes it may well feel uncomfortable and our response could also be to fill the space with more questions. But, perhaps sitting in silence together is okay every now and then.
5) Don’t take it personally. This one is tough. You are only human. This individual that used to have a look at you with such adoration and would actually cry if you weren’t near, can now act indifferent, aloof, and even contentious towards you. Remind yourself that because the adult in the connection, you might be chargeable for promoting a positive and secure communication space. You might have to step away, take deep breaths, and if needed try again later.
6) Tap into their interests. Take a while to find out about things they like. Kids and teenagers are really great at detecting when parents are attempting to “fake it”. They don’t want adults attempting to slot in with their generation, but they appreciate having the ability to talk concerning the current events which are essential to them, or the present music or popular entertainment.
7) Let your ego go. If you might be a parent or essential figure in a teen’s life, you might be probably not viewed as “cool” from their perspective. That’s totally effective. Think back to your personal teen years and visualize the adults in your life. You didn’t need them to be cool. You needed them to be there, secure, and supportive.
8) Do not lead with judgment. The impulse may be to resolve the issues of our teens because we don’t feel good once they don’t feel good. Offering solutions, or trying to resolve issues too quickly can feel like judgment within the eyes of a teen.
Here are some non- judgmental phrases to try:
- Tell me more about that…
- Why do you’re thinking that that worked out that way?
- Is there something anyone could have done in a different way?
- Do you wish me to supply guidance, or do you simply need me to listen?
9) Be willing to let go of expectations for the talks you have got together with your teen. If you envision heartfelt conversations but they don’t feel comfortable with that, chances are you’ll need to regulate your expectations. The goal is to be the person your teen can turn to in the event that they need assistance with issues akin to bullying, relationships, depression, drugs, sex, etc. Some topics are alright to exist between just them and their friends.
10) Admit when you find yourself incorrect. Apologize. Tell the reality. Authenticity invites trust in all human relationships. Lead by example and show your teen easy methods to be humble in moments of misstep. If you raise your voice in a moment of frustration, or deliver your message with a rude tone, apologize and check out again.
If you might be open to trying a few of these strategies, you might be already on a path to improved communication together with your teen. This generally is a difficult stage of life where everyone involved feels confused, isolated and misunderstood. Try to keep in mind that the human experience isn’t about perfection, but about constructing relationships with people who we love. By setting boundaries, clear expectations, and leading with empathy and an lively listening ear, we are able to create recent bonds with our teens which are just as fulfilling because the childhood bonds formed previously.
