Netflix | Sex and the City
Netflix | Sex and the City
A researcher specializing in narcissism and psychopathy shares the three narcissistic mind games you have to be careful for in relationships and dating.
Never trust a date who’s rude to the waiter – but similarly, don’t trust a dating partner who flirts with the waitress. It’s long been said that narcissistic and psychopathic individuals provoke jealousy on purpose, and research is showing that’s indeed the case. Here are 3 ways they manufacture competition and pit people against each other in dating contexts and beyond.
Attempting to boost their very own perceived value by surrounding themselves with other “options.”
A narcissistic person evokes jealousy for a lot of reasons based on studies – these can include gaining power and control over others, exacting revenge, testing the connection, or compensating for low self-esteem (more common with vulnerable narcissists versus grandiose narcissists). That is why narcissistic individuals decide to surround themselves with those that enhance their desirability within the eyes of others. They wish to be related to individuals who bolster their status and prestige, in addition to their “mating potential.” By surrounding themselves with a “harem” of potential love interests, crushes, exes, and people they claim are “just friends,” narcissistic people enjoy making a circle of competition in dating in order that they’ll communicate to you that they’ve options and will happily explore these options (in the event that they aren’t doing so already) if you happen to don’t cater to them. Some also play the “dread game” – a pick-up artist technique that is supposed to spark someone’s insecurity by showering you with attention someday, only to suddenly withhold and withdraw pursue other interests, and create doubt about one’s position in the connection so that you simply grow more dysfunctionally attached to them as a technique to seek validation. They may even incessantly mention these other options within the hopes of attempting to make you “win them over.” For example, a narcissist may let you know they’re going out to an event where their ex will probably be and refuse to reply text messages during that point in a deliberate try and make you jealous and anxious. Or they might always discuss a co-worker to make you are feeling suspicious about their fidelity.
Orchestrate “breaks” and break-ups tactic.
A narcissist doesn’t just break up with their partner like a traditional person would. Instead, they select to impress their partners into feeling the potential pain of losing them early on by threatening break-ups and even asking for a “break” throughout the relationship – a time where they won’t be reflecting on themselves in any respect, but fairly pursuing another person for sex and attention. These breaks are conveniently timed just across the time they’re love bombing one other latest victim or past victim. If you’re dating someone toxic and even emotionally unavailable who asks for a break, be wary. Their motives is probably not in any respect to eventually repair the connection and even simply to do some deeper pondering—fairly, it’s a technique to have their cake and have it too, assuming you’ll stick around. Such “breaks” are also purposely weaponized not only to pursue other victims but create torment and uncertainty about one’s self and the connection. It is designed to devalue their relationship partners and lower their perceived value while heightening the narcissist’s.
The “praise others, ignore you,” strategy.
Depending on whether a narcissist is love-bombing you with excessive flattery and praise, or whether or not they’re devaluing you with contempt, they’ll normally create “love triangles” where one person is being love bombed, while the opposite is devalued. To do that effectively, narcissists should praise other people in front of you and bring them into the dynamic of the connection ultimately. Let’s say you’re on a date, and you’ve just shared an accomplishment together with your dating partner; perhaps you tell them you’re excited to maneuver into the brand new home you’ve bought, or simply began a graduate program. Rather than ask you questions or have a good time this, they might suddenly start praising their ex, while ignoring the accomplishment you simply shared with them. The reason they do that for others associated with them, and not you, is because they perceive their ex-partner to be an object and extension of themselves, if you are a threatening individual who evokes their envy, and thus should be “humbled” to make way for his or her ego.
Remember: narcissistic persons are the kinds to see you wearing a ball gown, adorned in diamonds, and wearing gorgeous heels—and decide to be silent about it, while complimenting the clothing of the person next to you wearing sweats and a t-shirt in an absurd try and attempt to spark insecurity in you and make you are feeling invisible. Even the person wearing sweats is bewildered as to why they’re being praised. As one other example beyond a dating context, similarly, let’s say in a university setting, one person aced an project 100 times, and one other person only did so once. The narcissistic person will go overboard praising the second person—which could be very nice and sort of them, if it wasn’t for the incontrovertible fact that they treat the primary one who achieved twice as much with contempt and indifference. At the tip of the day, this strategy of jealousy induction is all about pitting people against each other and attempting to punish the person they’re devaluing on the outing of envy or since the person threatens their ego ultimately.
