When it involves anything regarding romance and emotions, a thousand things can easily go incorrect.
High on emotions and controlled by our hormones, we make moves we predict are right, only to get the alternative result we wanted.
Intense emotions can distort reality.
When you’re emotionally engaged, many of the stuff you imagine will draw a lady’s attention are frequently the things that push her away.
Especially in romance, men and ladies take a look at plenty of things in a different way. This is precisely why most men have found themselves in a number of of those mistakes.
1. Oneitis
Tom meets a lady and before knowing anything about her, he already thinks she’s incredible. He starts chasing her, but she doesn’t give him her attention.
Now Tom wants her more!
He becomes so hyper-fixated on the girl that he cannot consider or see himself with every other girl. The harder the chase, the more Tom desires to have her.
Because of this one girl he still knows little or nothing about, he misses out on great opportunities with other girls.
Oneitis plays on one flaw in human nature: It’s a basic psychological principle that we’ll place more importance on a scarce resource.
And the scarcer a thing becomes, the more we would like to seize it for ourselves. The surge within the sales of bathroom paper at the peak of the COVID pandemic is an ideal example of this.
But oneitis is an illusion. Just because a lady isn’t supplying you with attention doesn’t make her more necessary than every other woman on the market.
Don’t be so hyper-fixated on getting one girl that you just miss out on other great opportunities around you.
2. Clinginess
Philip meets a lady he likes, they share a connection. They each feel it. Things go well at first.
The first date was great, and the girl seemed to be into him as well.
But after the date, Philip gets home and texts her for the remaining of the day. The following morning, Philip texts her again. He desires to stay in contact on a regular basis, and that is all cute at first.
But then at any time when she takes too long to answer, he double-texts and even triple-texts her. He anxiously stays by his phone and waits for her to answer.
If she still takes too long, he calls her to ask her where she is and why she isn’t replying to his texts. He desires to know where she is all day.
The girl feels suffocated, feeling this level of micro inspection is going on way too early in the connection. Sooner or later, she pulls away.
Clinginess reveals plenty of things a couple of person.
First of all, it shows your level of emotional maturity. People who’re too clingy aren’t self-sufficient. And neediness is a large turn-off for ladies.
Secondly, clinginess shows that you just don’t have much occurring in your life.
If you’ll be able to stay on a phone for hours, waiting for one text, and getting worked up because that text didn’t show up, it shows your time isn’t price that much. Clinginess insinuates that you just’re low value.
Understand that probably the most attractive things a person can possess is a way of purpose.
Besides the incontrovertible fact that purpose will make you a greater person, it helps raise your mind above petty concerns like when or how often a lady texts you.
[Also read: 6 Major Mistakes “Nice Guys” Make With Women]
3. Going in too strong sexually
Max meets a lady on Tinder. They connect. They go on a date, which went well by all standards.
But on getting home that night, Max decides to send her pictures of his penis, pondering it should turn her on much more after an incredible date. But the girl is turned off and all the things shuts down.
Here’s the thing: For most men, it should only take the presence — or image — of a phenomenal woman to show them on.
However, sexual attraction, for the majority of ladies works in a different way. A girl first wants to attach with you emotionally. She desires to feel protected with you first. The sex part comes later.
Sending pictures of your penis too early, before attending to know her intimately is a large turn-off for most girls. Besides, looking directly for sex too early only makes you come off as desperate.
4. Chasing
Chasing a lady has several downsides. First of all, the probabilities of getting a lady you’ve chased exhaustively to provide you back the identical level of affection and respect are low.
Secondly, a chase, even when the lady eventually accepts you, will create the incorrect relationship dynamic.
The man will almost definitely find yourself the fixer-upper in the connection, at all times fighting to maintain things together and taking the blame when things disintegrate.
Chasing a lady isn’t price it. Showing interest in a lady is sweet but when that interest becomes desperation, that’s the incorrect place to be. That’s an unhealthy obsession.
Life isn’t a romantic movie where the person often gets the lady after a lifelong, life-threatening chase.
In reality, the more you chase someone, the farther they’re prone to run from you. It rarely works.
If you show interest in a lady and he or she doesn’t provide you with her attention, learn to be okay with it and move on to another person.
A healthy relationship is built with a mutual effort from the person and the lady, and typically, you’ll see this mutual effort from the start.
(*5*)
5. Assuming before engaging
John is sitting across a tall, slim, beautiful brunette, the kind you see in fashion magazines and TV shows.
John is her, simply having fun with the view with no intention of going over to have interaction. She catches John’s gaze and provides him a warm smile, a positive signal for him to return over.
But John freezes. “No way,” he thinks. “She’s too pretty, and classy, and she probably has so many guys going after her.” “She’s probably too expensive for me.” “She’s out of my league…”
On and on John goes until he successfully talks himself out of going over and fascinating.
Here’s the thing: Most guys assume so many things about women based on external looks.
As a result, even after they get a probability to have interaction with a phenomenal woman, they aren’t seeing reality, they only see projections of what they’ve assumed about her already.
Next time you see a phenomenal woman, try to not assume anything about her. Don’t write yourself off before anyone.
She may be pretty and still be humble and all the way down to earth. She may be pretty and also you’ll still be her type.
Maybe you each have plenty of things in common. But you’ll never know in case you don’t engage together with her with an open mind. Don’t assume before engaging. As Robert Greene wrote in Mastery,
Final thoughts
Most men (and ladies) have found themselves in a number of of those mistakes. They are as common as they’re effective in disrupting relationships.
You desire a probability with the person you’re interested in, all of us do. But the hard truth is, you can’t depend totally on hormones and emotions.
You need to be rational as well. Always watch out you’re not falling into any of those mistakes because they’ll quickly destroy your probabilities.
