A researcher specializing in narcissism reveals the surprising red flag phrases toxic and narcissistic people can use on dating apps. These phrases could appear subtle, but they convey volumes a couple of person’s character, sense of entitlement, and potential lack of empathy.
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Women who’ve been on dating apps often share the next experience: they match with a person whose first message to them urgently declares they need to go on a date with them, immediately. This person then proceeds to inform them that they wish to get to know their dates “in person” and need to avoid being pen-pals. Red flags galore! This is the texting equivalent of sex with none foreplay. While nobody desires to be messaging back and forth for weeks before meeting up, telling someone they “need” to fulfill them without even having a correct conversation or a vetting Facetime call communicates three things: this person doesn’t care about your sense of safety or empathize with the risks women face every day and feels entitled to make you are feeling unsafe attributable to what they need; they don’t need to put the hassle in to actually have a conversation with you (lower than the bare minimum), and they might even be predatory and aware that in the event that they do engage in a conversation with you, you’ll notice something amiss – that’s the reason they struggle to rush and fast-forward the meeting. Watch out for heavily persistent individuals who proceed to pressure you into going out with them even whenever you’ve stated your boundaries.
“I want someone who doesn’t take themselves so seriously. I don’t want any drama.”
If your dating match has this listed on their dating profile, don’t take it as a light-hearted cue that he just desires to live, laugh, and love with you endlessly. Instead, take into consideration why someone would indicate this on their profile. Marriage, dating, childrearing, partnership, romance – that is all very serious business when you concentrate on it. Usually, it’s probably the most drama-seeking individuals who create chaos within the lives of others who don’t want individuals who take their heinous transgressions “seriously” enough to call out their red flags.
“Want to meet up for a walk/a hike/a coffee?”
Men and women, generally speaking, view most of these dates very in another way. On average, many men on dating apps see coffee as an inexpensive strategy to entertain multiple options, while saving money to take out the “dream woman” they really need to impress. They disguise hike and walk dates as outdoorsy adventures which can be an inexpensive and low-effort strategy to get to know and even hook up with many ladies – and some actually use these secluded dates for more sinister purposes (so for your personal safety, I might highly recommend staying away from hike or walk dates). Some women will swear by coffee dates because they consider it’s the safest, get-out-of-jail-free option should the date fail to impress, or seems to be super creepy and entitled – this can be a fair concern, but unfortunately, even a fast date doesn’t shield you from creepy entitlement. If a person is the one asking you for most of these dates, not you, consider it a possible red flag. Remember, there are several options besides wasting energy getting coffee with someone who is probably going going to transform low-effort: you possibly can still meet up for lunch, brunch, afternoon tea, go to a pleasant lounge with cocktails and appetizers (choosing a non-alcoholic beverage if that higher suits you), a live music or jazz venue, or should you’re more certain you’ll just like the person and have vetted them through FaceTime, a full dinner and meet-cute. You are more likely to attract way more serious candidates who want to speculate in you and actually need to romance you this manner – or, on the very least, respects the time, effort, and risk you undergo as a girl meeting up with a stranger each time you go on a date. Remember: should you’re dating someone who’s already low-effort to start with, this pattern will only worsen over time.
“Please have a sense of humor.”
It will likely be probably the most humorless individuals who depend on cruelty and chronic sarcasm (versus using sarcasm occasionally as a added spice to their jokes) to bully others that write such a phrase on dating apps. According to research, chronic belittling sarcasm may even be a possible red flag of psychopathic traits. Ask yourself why this person feels the necessity to present anyone who doesn’t find them funny as “humorless,” and consider it a red flag foreshadowing they might be showing you in due time that their comedy relies on demeaning others.
“So what do you think about me or (insert anything from their dating profile)?”
If an individual on a dating app fails to ask you any questions on yourself and only focuses on their very own profile and what you think that of them, run. At the very least you’re communicating with someone self-centered, and within the worst-case scenario, you’re about to grow to be entangled with a narcissist who’s going to be solely focused on getting their very own needs met while foregoing yours.
“I am rarely on here. Add me on Snapchat/Instagram.”
If someone cannot even handle messaging on a dating app, what makes you think that they might put the time and effort into attending to know you? It is sort of presumptuous to position such a request to strangers to “follow” them on social media. Regardless, this is definitely a tactic many manipulators use to get your personal information early on. Alternatively, they might ask you to your social media handles early on without even asking you out on a date, keeping you in limbo as a part of their social media “harem.” If you do “follow” them and take the bait, they are going to use it to collect information on who you’re (while this may help women vet potential dates for safety purposes if needed, a girl sending a person her personal social media isn’t often as crucial). Apart from being low-effort and lazy, this phrase can indicate a way of entitlement from a partner to “get to know you” without putting in any work to achieve this.
“Me with my best friend! She’s like a sister to me.”
This one could also be a bit more area of interest, but when a person is showing off a shady close girlfriend or a harem of female friends on their dating profile pictures and declaring they’re like a “sister” to them, they’re often already establishing a contest and able to gaslight you about it should you feel uncomfortable. A wealth of research indicates that men are more likely than women to have interest of their opposite-sex friends. Those with psychopathic and narcissistic traits are likely to make others jealous on purpose for power and control based on studies. Knowing this, it may be helpful to think about this a tentative red flag – the exception being that sometimes two people really are platonic friends and not drawn to each other, but in the event that they’re showing them off on a dating app, it definitely tells you there could also be more reason to be cautious. There’s no real reason someone would wish to point out off their close “friendships” with other women on dating apps unless they were attempting to “flaunt” their supposed desirability and even indicate that with the intention to date them you will need to tolerate what may very well be a shady “friendship.” Stay wary.
