First off, there’s nothing inherently mistaken with nice guys. In fact, most men have displayed some nice guy traits in some unspecified time in the future of their lives.
However, the issue with nice guys is that they don’t understand that making a lady want you as a friend and making her want you as a romantic partner are totally various things.
They act like friend material after which they get frustrated when the girl puts them within the friend zone.
Basically, nice guys are at all times shooting themselves within the foot relating to coping with women, and listed here are the six most frequent mistakes they make.
1. Why “nice guys” are boring
Nice guys try way too hard to impress the girl they like. They feel the urge to do whatever it takes to get approval because they doubt the girl will like them for his or her authentic selves.
Nice guys will are likely to boast about their income, compliment the girl even after they don’t deserve it, cancel plans with friends to satisfy her, pay for her stuff on a regular basis, suppress their likes and dislikes to suit what the girl wants to maintain her pleased, the list goes on.
But here’s the issue: Nice guys think doing all these items will impress women, but in addition they don’t see how needy these behaviors make them look.
They forget that such approval-seeking behaviors are the primary things that turn ladies off.
Here’s the thing: Girls are immediately repelled by guys who try too hard to impress them. Why?
Well, firstly, it communicates to them that you’re feeling you’re not likely worthy of them. They interpret your needy behavior as a insecurity and low self-esteem.
Secondly, most ladies are already bored with being treated too nicely. It gets boring.
If a woman is attractive, chances are high, she already has dozens of fellows round her attempting to please her on a regular basis.
She’s already used to guys sending her flowers, telling her how beautiful she is, and buying her free stuff.
Hence, if one other guy (you) comes along doing these same things to impress her, you’re just going to turn into one among the various. She’ll become bored with him.
What to do as an alternative
When you’re keen on a woman, as an alternative of attempting to impress a woman, recommend your personality because it is.
Let the chips fall wherever they might. You don’t should go overboard to please her. Do what comes naturally to you.
This isn’t something you fake. You should be self-sufficient to do it.
Even though movies and TV shows romanticize chasing women and doing all kinds of amazing things for them before the girl finally falls, that’s not the way it is in point of fact.
Guys who really do well with women don’t attempt to impress them. They just express themselves in essentially the most authentic way.
They do what comes naturally to them and let the chips fall where they might. And this is very effective since it communicates high value and self-confidence.
2. They are overly impressed by beauty
Men are wired to be impressed by what they see.
In other words, it’s natural for a person to be impressed by a lady’s beauty. But nice guys are impressed by a lady’s beauty on a completely different level.
They get impressed to the purpose where they treat the girl like she’s essentially the most perfect thing being on earth. In their minds, they feel there could be nothing mistaken with the girl.
They feel the girl is “the one” for them, and there could be none like her. It’s this fantasizing that makes nice guys extremely needy and desperate towards any girl they like. It’s what compels them to act in ways that can eventually result in rejection.
What to do as an alternative
To avoid this flaw, you should understand one thing: No matter how beautiful a woman is, whether she’s a famous Instagram model or a perfect-bodied celebrity, she’s not perfect.
Sooner or later, you’re going to should deal along with her flaws too.
She’s not some magical unicorn with breasts. There’s no way you may possibly know she’s the one and even an excellent match for you until you’ve interacted along with her and understood who she really is as a person.
In a nutshell, you should have well-defined standards, something that goes beyond just surface beauty and body dimensions.
[Also Read: Do Nice Guys Really Finish Last?]
3. Why women want you to have boundaries
“Nice guys” don’t have a way of what’s acceptable and what’s not. They’ll go together with anything.
If a woman talks to them disrespectfully, they’re okay with it. If she makes fun of their passions and hobbies, it’s cool. Insult their friends and so they’ll do nothing.
If a woman cancels on them on the last minute, they’re okay with it. They act like doormats that folks can walk throughout.
Nice guys have an intense fear of breaking rapport and being rejected that they hardly assert their opinions and thoughts.
The major problem with nice guys is that they don’t see not having boundaries as off-putting. In fact, they think they’re good people because they let everyone have their way around them.
They’ve so suppressed themselves for therefore long that they now do not know of what it means to be mistreated.
Here’s the thing:
No woman desires to be with a man who doesn’t have boundaries. You might imagine letting her have her way will let her such as you more, but it surely doesn’t.
A girl wants you to take a stand when she treats you unfairly. That’s how they know you’re high-value.
Besides, if you happen to can’t take a stand for yourself, how will you’re taking a stand for her if someone treats her poorly?
In other words, having strong boundaries informs a girl that she’ll be protected and guarded when she’s with you.
4. “Nice guys” are transactional
Most “nice guys” do nice things for or in front of the ladies they like actually because they need something in return.
In exchange for all the good and impressive things they do, they need the girl to love them in return, and possibly have sex with them. But their wish of being liked never gets fulfilled. Why?
First of all, it takes greater than just being nice to trigger feelings of attraction from a lady.
Hollywood might make you’re thinking that that being extremely nice to a woman will magically make the girl fall in love with you, but it surely’s completely misleading. In real life, that nearly never happens.
Secondly, most ladies can sense when a man has a hidden agenda for being nice.
Girls can instinctively sense when a man is doing nice things simply because he wants up to now or have sex with them. And they find it off-putting since it’s transactional.
What to do as an alternative
Trigger feelings of attraction with any girl by interacting along with her. Then make your move by asking her out, getting her phone number, or taking her to your house.
Don’t attempt to do nice friend things for her beforehand with the hope that it can increase your probabilities along with her.
5. Censoring
This is a conversational mistake every nice guy makes, and it’s also the explanation why they’ve a tough time having a fun time talking to women.
To censor means to constantly filter, suppress or remove words or sentences in your head before you allow them to out in conversations.
Here’s the thing: Most guys place a filter on their brains when talking to ladies.
They don’t dare to say what’s really on their minds because they’re continually checking to see whether what they should say is witty or funny enough. Why?
Their fear of being judged negatively makes them too attached to the end result of their interaction with the girl.
As a results of this high apprehensiveness, they find it unimaginable to guide a conversation because they won’t have much to say.
Here’s the thing:
Girls need a guy who has good conversation skills. And a big part of getting good conversation skills isn’t nearly being funny.
It’s also about having opinions and never being afraid to precise them.
You can’t be in your head on a regular basis attempting to work out the very best thing to say for the moment. If you do that, you won’t have the opportunity to take the lead within the conversation.
What to do as an alternative
Drop the filter when talking to women. This is what guys who’re good conversationalists do.
They say what feels right in the intervening time. They don’t judge or overanalyze it because their goal isn’t to say essentially the most perfect thing.
Sometimes they may say something lame or inappropriate. But the important thing here is that they usually are not judging their conversational skills on a regular basis as nice guys do.
And consequently, their carefree nature easily compensates for his or her mistakes.
Remember a conversation needs a couple of person for it to work. The goal of a conversation ought to be to rejoice
(*6*)
6. Avoiding confrontation
Even though nice guys wish to be with a woman greater than anything, they don’t act on it. They don’t do what’s vital to get the girl they like.
Instead of confronting her, they only act nice and polite, hoping that someday, the girl will magically fall in love and possibly make the move on them.
They expect that pleased Hollywood ending that doesn’t exist in real life. And they do that to themselves for one reason:
The fear of rejection.
And this fear stems from a scarcity of self-confidence. They know they need her, but they don’t imagine they will get her to be theirs, in order that they just stick around and do nice stuff for her while also getting jealous of the blokes who act.
Final words
Most guys stop being “the nice guy” consequently of lessons they learn from past experiences with women.
And most individuals are still “nice guys” because they still don’t know that they’re being nice “nice guys”. They think they are only good people.
But just being good doesn’t get the girl. It goes beyond just niceness.
If you see any of those traits, simply use them to enhance yourself.
