At its core, a woundmate is a trauma-bond connection. These relationships often start with a ton of promise but ultimately develop into toxic and triggering over time. Here are five concrete signs you’ve found your woundmate (not a soulmate).(*5*)
1. Your relationship started off great.
You two clicked immediately and things progressed naturally. Everything felt really easy and effortless. You fell for one another fast and hard, almost as if you happen to had no other alternative but to achieve this. The chemistry was insane. You also couldn’t consider how alike you each were; it was almost as if you happen to found your other half.
However, since that magical starting, now there is usually toxicity. Now, you’re not entirely sure where you stand with them at any given moment. They don’t treat you as someone they cherish but somewhat an individual they may simply take or leave. This results in epic fights and pain.
However, what makes a woundmate so toxic is that there are also passionate reconciliations. Despite the shortage of compatibility, the chemistry is undeniable and is ultimately what keeps you each hooked. You feel as if you’re on a rollercoaster with them, but you’re unsure how for much longer you possibly can stay on the ride.
2. You don’t feel seen by them.
Another sign you’ve met your woundmate is that you just don’t feel they really see you. Your woundmate will hear what you’re saying but won’t seem to understand the true meanings behind your words. You will feel exhausted in your attempts to make them understand you.
3. You bring out one another’s insecurities.
Woundmates ignite each other’s deepest fears. You scratch open their old wounds and so they pour salt into your lingering hurt. You trigger each other endlessly, without even intending to. And regardless of how much you might need to help them, and possibly even them provide help to, it just doesn’t work. You only make one another’s cuts deeper, despite your positive intentions.
4. You feel drained after spending time with them.
Your woundmate will not be someone who leaves you feeling fulfilled and aligned. Rather, they completely deplete you of your energy. They’re a kind of emotional vampire, to an extent.
5. You feel like you’ve got to desert your individual needs to maintain the connection alive.
There is a level of codependency that’s the core of a woundmate connection. Despite bleeding out, you might be still desperately attempting to stitch together their hurt. The idea of losing them feels inevitable but that thought can be too painful to even consider acting on. And so, you stay and take a look at your best to save lots of them despite the actual fact the person you really want to save lots of is yourself.
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A woundmate will not be your perpetually person; they should not your soulmate or “The One.” A woundmate simply reveal what pieces of yourself still need healing. A soulmate is the one that supports you while you choose up the pieces. Let your woundmate go. Let your heart mend.
