Men need to start out doing greater than the bare minimum in the event that they want to search out love, research says.
An article published in Psychology Today entitled “The Rise of Lonely, Single Men” points to research and trends in modern dating that show heterosexual men are losing out on opportunities to search out love.
According to Greg Matos, PsyD, there are numerous reasons for this phenomenon. For starters, men comprise roughly 62% of dating app users, meaning their likelihood of finding matches becomes lower. But the larger issue rests in a skills deficit and rising relationship standards.
This skills deficit men have in relationships is specifically with reference to emotional connection. “The problem for men is that emotional connection is the lifeblood of healthy, long-term love,” explains Dr. Matos in his article. “Emotional connection requires all the skills that families are still not consistently teaching their young boys.”
Such skills may include communication, empathy, and just general emotional intelligence. And as Dr. Matos identified, most men should not taught this stuff because of social conditioning. (Think toxic masculinity and the way men are consistently told to “man up” when even the slight likelihood of feeling anything arises.)
This skills deficit is then compounded by rising relationship standards. Women want greater than the bare minimum. They want emotional closeness and intimacy beyond sex. According to interviews with listeners of Dr. Matos’ TikTok show “A Better Love Project,” women ages 25 and 45 “prefer men who are emotionally available, good communicators, and share similar values.”
Women have gotten more selective about who they date and spend their time with. And for good reason: we’re fed up begging for what we already deserve.
We are finally learning our value and refusing to accept less-than any longer. We have more opportunities than women have ever had. We now not need a person to realize a beautiful life. As such, men have to bring something extra to the table if we’re going to commit. Men need to indicate that a life with them shall be higher than a life single.
Dr. Matos recommends men put money into their mental health to change into higher partners. This can include attending therapy so that they can unlearn toxic beliefs about gender roles and emotions. In any event, men have to be committed to their very own healing and lively participants in their very own growth. No one else can do it for them.
Men have to rise to the occasion in the event that they want to search out love. Let’s hope they’ll be as much as the challenge.
