Pick-me women are the (*5*) Meredith Grey types which can be at all times tolerating red flags — but worse, they shame and discourage other women from having higher standards because misery loves company. Women who’re male-centered tend be dangerous to themselves and others (as they will throw other women under the bus for the eye of a person), and it’s why it’s essential to know the red flags they tolerate that differ from women with high standards. I take advantage of the term “alpha woman” loosely to point a high-value woman who does have those standards, and is confident and daring about sticking to them. If you may have PickMe tendencies, it’s time to reprogram yourself.
Coffee dates or “hike” dates.
Any low-effort date must be avoided especially within the early stages of dating, because women naturally tackle higher risks of violence and danger any time they exit on a date with a stranger. For most ladies in modern romance, dating men is a liability that takes away from their peace and actively places them at risk — yet they’re encouraged to exit of their method to meet a stranger for a cup of coffee they may easily make at home and even worse to “go for a walk” with a stranger like a dog. I actually have dated men who (unbeknownst to me on the time) took me out to lavish restaurants and fancy jazz venues while taking other women to free museums or coffee. If a person desires to take you out for coffee, they’re setting the low standard early on that they don’t wish to impress you. They should still focus their “best” most high-quality dates on certain people they do wish to impress. Do you really need to be the lady who settles for crumbs? You deserve higher. Remember, most men don’t consider coffee dates the way in which you’re thinking that they do: they see it as a method to date and even sleep with multiple women without spending as much money or putting in the trouble needed to woo you, while concentrating their efforts on women they do wish to impress.
For women, they assume a coffee date is okay since it gives them the chance to flee quickly should an issue arise. But they forget that if a person desires to verbally abuse you or sexually harass you indirectly, it wouldn’t matter when you were in a coffee shop or restaurant, on a hike or a flight to Paris— they’d discover a method to disappoint or threaten you in any setting! Another comment you recurrently hear is, “I don’t want to go through a dinner date with a man I might not like.” Why exit with a person you haven’t vetted or chatted with thoroughly enough before agreeing to a date or don’t have enough information to even go on a date with? What’s the purpose of wasting time? If you might want to vet them, might as well do a fast FaceTime through the comfort of your individual home.
The “girl best friend.”
In a previous article I talked concerning the research that shows that men hunt down and select opposite-sex friends for various reasons than women do with their male friends. To sum up the various studies, men usually tend to have sexual interest of their female friends, select female friends based on their attractiveness, and report sex with female friends as a profit. If you may have a nagging feeling that your dating partner’s “girl best friend” is just not a really platonic connection where neither are drawn to one another, please take heed. Avoid men who’ve harems of friends who’re women or a detailed “girl best friend” they appear to have a shady relationship with. Trust your intuition.
Weaponized incompetence or going 50/50.
Piggybacking off the primary red flag, does he claim he’s not good at planning dates and lack initiative? Does he expect princess treatment? Is he a frontrunner of the sassy man apocalypse, where he devalues women and thinks he’s the prize? Is he only enthusiastic about women’s empowerment because he desires to coerce you into 50/50 when he’s barely even courted you yet? Ask yourself why you insist as a PickMe woman on going 50/50 in a world that isn’t yet equal and where women experience a disproportionate amount of violence, are expected to tackle the vast majority of domestic and emotional labor in relationships, are sometimes led on by men who claim they need relationships but are literally looking for to simply “hook up” and risk life-threatening STIs or pregnancies, all for statistically less pleasure (hello, scientifically researched orgasm gap). With all of the burdens women face within the dating world, do you really need to be in a so called “50/50” relationship that truly places much more burden on you? The world isn’t equal yet — real women’s empowerment is about the context and realizing you deserve advantages to assist offset the risks and burdens you are taking on as a lady.
Following or liking lewd accounts on social media.
Pick-me women are rabid defenders of men following or liking other women’s lewd pictures and accounts. They claim they are usually not “insecure” and that any woman that has a difficulty with it should be crazy. Yet they’re those whose partners are announcing to the world, “Hear ye, hear ye, family and friends! I find this other woman attractive! And this one, and this one! Look at that bikini!” while publicly humiliating their partners. Even (high-quality) men have spoken out on this phenomenon and consider it an insult to the lady; some have said, “I would never want another woman to think someone else has something over my partner.” That’s a respectful man right there. The truth is, probably the most secure women are those who see past their social conditioning of accepting the unacceptable from men and what society has taught them to attenuate and arise to disrespect. If you’re a PickMe woman who shames other women for not tolerating such a glaring red flag, that’s your issue. Women with higher standards thanks for keeping the low-quality men away from them, but we hope you at some point get up.
Inconsistent treatment or attempts to make you jealous.
One minute he’s showering you with attention, flattery, praise. The next he’s withholding and withdrawing and pretending to produce other women chasing them. Pick-up artists call this the “dread game” and it’s used as a method to neg women which can be out of their league and get you to lower your standards. Don’t fall for this trap. You deserve a person who knows your value and treats you as irreplaceable.
