When narcissists use these phrases, here’s what they really mean. A researcher specializing in narcissism and psychopathy shares the nine phrases that narcissists and psychopaths weaponize against their relationship partners to emotionally invalidate and gaslight them.
“We’re in this together. I am so looking forward to a future with you.”
When narcissists and psychopaths say this phrase, the longer term they’re referring to shouldn’t be the one they’re faking with you but relatively the hidden agenda they’ve up their sleeve as they get you invested in them through love bombing. In a romantic relationship, this might mean anything from using you for sex, an ego stroke, a back-up plan, an addition to their harem, a spot to live, or a solution to con you and leech off your resources within the cases of psychopaths with parasitic lifestyles. Once they’ve fulfilled their agenda, they couldn’t care less — and to them, it’s a type of “winning” they usually experience a way of duping delight once they’re capable of con an unsuspecting victim. Keep in mind, narcissists and psychopaths need to pull the wool over your eyes to “win.” That is why they turn into incensed once they see victims “win” (i.e. turn into successful, or move forward into their very own future victoriously) even while playing fair, because meaning victims didn’t have to play any mind games to return out on top — they did so on their very own merit, competence, talent, and intelligence, while the narcissist needed to resort to lying and deception to try to realize the upper hand.
(*9*)
Narcissists and psychopaths want you to let go of the past whilst they keep repeating the identical harmful behaviors in the current. This phrase is used to avoid taking responsibility for his or her actions and to avoid changing their unempathic behaviors toward you. In reality, if they really wanted their victims to really let go of the past, they need to have stopped repeating it.
“Why are you always causing drama?”
This phrase is weaponized by narcissists to gaslight victims after upsetting them chronically and deliberately into emotionally reacting. The truth is, many narcissistic and psychopathic individuals like to stir drama and chaos by inflicting pain on their victims after they feel slighted and even for no reason in any respect but sadistic pleasure. When you call them out, they may pathologize your emotions and pretend you might be just someone who seeks out drama and creates it, relatively than owning as much as the incontrovertible fact that they manufactured situations to make you react in the primary place.
“I just need a break from all this.”
While empathic people can request a break from a heated situation, they often communicate transparently and with integrity, not taking much time to get back to their partner after they’ve cooled off. Narcissists and psychopaths operate in a different way. When they ask for a so-called “break” from communication, in the event that they even say this in any respect, it’s really a type of stonewalling and the silent treatment to punish you and teach you a lesson for fighting back against their abuse or manipulation. Many of them also orchestrate break-ups to exert power and control over you and pursue other targets or relationships on the side.
“Are we really right for each other?”
Anyone can say this phrase, but when narcissists and psychopaths say it specifically, they’re doing so to create an intense fear of abandonment and uncertainty of their victims abruptly after heavy periods of affection bombing and after their victims have “dared” to get up to them and defend themselves against their mistreatment. Such an issue places the main target immediately on the victim and attempts to gaslight the victim into believing it’s their issue in the event that they set boundaries or ask to have their basic needs met. This phrase also minimizes their abuse or exploitation of the victim as a mere incompatibility or a defect and flaw within the victim relatively than something the narcissist can easily address and fix.
“You are crazy and insecure.”
Truly secure people know how you can advocate for themselves and express themselves in healthy ways. Narcissists and psychopaths often call their victims crazy and insecure because they don’t wish them to search out out about their transgressions or infidelity, and sense their victims could also be catching on to their deceptive behavior. This discourages their victims from speaking out or doing further investigation to verify their intuition.
“This isn’t about you.”
Translation: it’s really all about me. Any time the victim tries to ask why the narcissist is harming them or tries to speak about their feelings, the narcissist may center themselves or may pretend their actions don’t have anything to do with the victim personally all while staging personal attacks and continuing to perform covert sabotage of the victim that’s all too deeply deliberate. They weaponize the victim’s fears and traumas they know will harm them. It definitely is in regards to the victim, but of their distorted perspective, additionally it is clearly all in regards to the narcissist and meeting their very own sadistic needs. They gain emotional success from attempting to hinder their victim’s progress and taking attention away from the victim.
“You’re asking for too much.”
When a victim requests something perfectly reasonable and fair from the narcissist, something they’ve given to everyone else freely or the bare minimum, the narcissist or psychopath delights in attempting to withhold it and make their victims work for it. They will make you think that you’re asking for an excessive amount of, when in point of fact, you’re probably not even asking for enough. They will attempt to depict their partner’s request as ludicrous or outrageous when it’s anything but to attempt to make the victim feel ashamed of getting basic needs and desires. This withholding tactic often takes place when the narcissist is coping with someone they’re envious of or feels is out of their league, so that they feel compelled to bring them all the way down to their level. The truth is, you were never asking for an excessive amount of, especially for those who gave to the narcissist generously. In a relationship with a narcissist, you were simply made to feel such as you were never enough while you actually surpassed them. If you might be trauma bonded to a narcissist, you usually are not alone and skilled support is on the market. You should heal.
