Your ex was a giant a part of your life… or simply great within the sack! Either way, you would possibly end up wondering, “Why do I miss my ex?” But there are some legit reasons.
You may feel like a complete loser for still missing your ex, but trust us, you usually are not alone. It’s a typical query people ask themselves: “Why do I miss my ex?” Even if it’s been years for the reason that two of you snowballed from lover-ville to splitz-ville, there are completely legit reasons you possibly can be missing that bastard. It’s a natural a part of the post-breakup experience, and understanding these reasons can assist you to make sense of your feelings.
For one, he was sweet. He all the time grabbed coffee for you within the morning, he knew your innermost thoughts, he made you laugh, he gave you tickle fights, he had amazing taste in music, and he also had that insatiable ability to make anything fun – even waiting to get blood drawn.
On the flip side, your ex can have been a complete a-hole, but there have been still definite perks to having him around. For starters? He fixed things, his shirts were inhumanly comfortable to sleep in, he cooked, he owned an X-box, paid for meals, and he had that sleek automotive you pretended not to care about *nevertheless it secretly made you’re feeling like a badass*.
The Psychology of Missing Someone
Before we dive further, let’s speak about that nagging feeling of emptiness. You know, the one where you’re thinking that your ex could fill it despite knowing higher. Why do you miss your ex a lot? It’s not nearly nostalgia or loneliness; there’s a complete psychological play behind it.
First up, let’s chat about Attachment Theory, courtesy of John Bowlby. This theory helps us understand why your reactions post-breakup can feel so intense.
Then, there’s the tricky business of memory and idealization. It’s like your brain selectively remembers all the great times and conveniently forgets the not-so-great moments.
This rose-tinted view of your past relationship can leave you longing for what was, making you’re thinking that that no person else can measure up. It’s certainly one of the explanations you miss your ex – you’re missing a version of the connection which may not have been entirely real.
And, oh, let’s not ignore those sneaky neurochemical aspects. When you’re in love, your brain is buzzing with dopamine and oxytocin, creating those warm, fuzzy feelings.
After a breakup, your brain’s like a celebration venue after the guests have left – the feel-good chemicals drop, and also you’re left with a longing for that emotional high. This withdrawal can have you ever craving for your ex, pondering they were the one source of such happiness.
Legit Reasons For Missing Your Ex
So is it normal to be missing your ex way after the very fact? Yep, and we’ve got 8 reasons to prove it.
1. You Haven’t Found Somebody New
Move over ex-boyfriend, it’s time to make room for the rebound! Or… possibly not? If you haven’t yet rebounded out of your ex with a brand new, fun, and glossy boy to take a look at, then chances are you’ll be stuck missing him for some time.
If you’re not occupying your time with anyone latest, or simply fooling around with a rebound, then you definately’ve found a fairly legit reason for missing your ex: boredom.
2. A Little *Good Morning Notes*
3. Inside Jokes With Your Ex
That moment while you end up smiling at something you realize he would find hilarious, but you’ll be able to’t even tell him about it. Ouch.
Inside jokes are certainly one of the fundamental things that separate you and your mate from anyone else *and clearly all that sex*. In the identical way you’ll be able to’t pass old hangout spots without missing your ex, random hilarity that reminds you of an inside joke together with your ex goes to hurt like a mother. Never underestimate the crippling emotional power of an inside joke between you and your now ex.
(*41*)4. He Thought About You
5. His Family Rocked Your Socks Off
In this case chances are you’ll not be missing your ex, you would possibly actually be missing his badass mom who openly talked about sex and all the time kept it real, or his hilarious dad who taught you to be a Ms. Fix-It in only the span of a couple of months. If your ex-boyfriend had an awesome family, it might feel more such as you’re breaking up with all of them than simply the douchebag you were actually dating. Especially in cases where you’re not emotionally or physically close to your personal family, breaking up together with your ex can contain a complete latest level of disappointment and heartache.
6. He Was Great in Bed
What’s sex got to do with it? Loads, actually. If your boyfriend was a selfish ass within the sack, you’re going to have a much, much easier time getting over that jackass. That being said, if he was the king of clitoral stimulation and wouldn’t stop until you got here… yikes. You’re in for a tough road ahead.
7. Shared Dreams and Goals
You two had built a world of dreams together. Whether it was traveling the globe or opening a restaurant, these shared aspirations can linger in your heart, making you miss your ex. It’s not nearly losing an individual, but additionally the long run you had envisioned together.
Each plan you made and each dream you shared added one other layer to your bond. Now, when you concentrate on those unfulfilled plans, it brings a way of loss, a craving for what might have been. It’s these abandoned dreams and shared goals that keep the considered your ex lingering in your mind.
8. They Were Your Go-To Support System
Whenever life threw lemons, your ex was there to make lemonade. Now, when challenges arise, you would possibly end up instinctively wanting to reach out to them, reminiscing concerning the support they offered. They were your sounding board, your comfort zone, and your crisis manager all rolled into one.
9. You Miss Being Understood
There’s comfort in being with someone who just gets you. If your ex was someone who understood your quirks and moods without much explanation, their absence might feel like an element of you is missing. It’s like losing an element of your communication puzzle.
Being understood like that is rare, and never having it anymore can feel disorienting. It’s the convenience of being yourself without the necessity for explanations that you just miss. This deep understanding and acceptance are sometimes why you end up longing for your ex.
10. Their Quirks Grew on You
Remember the way you used to find their obsession with weird documentaries annoying? Now, you catch yourself smiling on the thought. Sometimes, it’s the little idiosyncrasies of your ex that leave a long-lasting impression.
The quirks of your ex, which you once took for granted, have turn into treasured memories that you just end up cherishing.
11. The Way They Made You Laugh
They had the magic recipe to make you laugh until your sides hurt. Why do you miss your ex? Maybe it’s those spontaneous bouts of laughter and the enjoyment that got here with them. The way they might turn a foul day into a superb one with only a joke or a funny face is something you deeply miss.
Laughter is a robust connector, and the absence of that shared joy can leave a noticeable gap in your life. It’s the laughter and lightness they brought into your each day routine that you just end up longing for.
12. Your Mutual Friends
Hanging out with mutual friends can fire up memories. When friends mention your ex otherwise you visit familiar hangouts, it may possibly trigger feelings of nostalgia, making you miss what once was. These friends live reminders of the times you shared, making it hard to move on.
It’s not only the person you miss however the social life and the shared experiences you had with them. Every gathering or mention of their name can reopen old wounds, reminding you of the connection you once had.
13. They Challenged You to Grow
If your ex played a job in your personal growth, you would possibly miss how they pushed you to be higher. It’s not only the person however the evolution they sparked in you that you just’re longing for. They were like a catalyst for your personal development, continuously encouraging you to reach latest heights.
14. The Comfort of Routine
Humans are creatures of habit. The each day routines you had together with your ex, irrespective of how mundane, can create a way of loss once they’re gone. From your morning coffee ritual to your weekend walks, these routines became ingrained in your life.
Breaking these habits can feel like losing an element of yourself. It’s the comfort and predictability of those shared routines that you just miss. The disruption of this each day rhythm is a major think about why you end up longing for your ex.
15. Music and Movies You Shared
You miss the shared excitement of discovering a brand new band or the comfort of watching a favourite movie together. These shared cultural experiences were a key a part of your relationship, and now they’re reminders of what you’ve lost.
16. You Miss Being Someone’s “Person”
Being the primary one they’d call with news or the one they’d turn to in a crisis – this special status is something you would possibly end up missing deeply. You were their confidante, their partner, their go-to person in good times and bad.
Losing this role can feel like losing an element of your identity. It’s not only their presence you miss, however the sense of purpose and belonging that got here with being their “person.” This lack of a special role in someone’s life is a profound reason for the emptiness you’re feeling.
17. They Saw the Best in You
If your ex was your biggest cheerleader, their absence might leave a void. It’s natural to miss someone who believed in you, even while you didn’t imagine in yourself. They helped you see strengths you didn’t know you had.
This type of support is tough to come by, and its absence is keenly felt. You miss not only the person, but the way in which they made you view yourself. Their belief in you was a robust force, and now that it’s gone, you’re feeling its absence deeply.
18. The Little Acts of Kindness
Those morning coffees they made just the way in which you want or the way in which they’d all the time text to check in case you got home secure – it’s often these small acts of affection that linger the longest. These gestures were the on a regular basis expressions of their love and care for you.
Now, of their absence, you end up missing these small but significant tokens of affection. It’s not only the grand gestures but these minute, on a regular basis acts that you just end up longing for.
19. The Feeling of Belonging
Being a part of a pair may give a way of belonging. After a breakup, this lack of identity as a ‘we’ is usually a big reason you end up missing your ex. You were a part of a team, a unit, and now you’re navigating the world solo.
You miss the sense of partnership, the sensation of being a part of something larger than yourself. It’s this lack of shared identity and belonging that makes the absence of your ex so pronounced.
20. Their Passion and Ambitions
If you admired their drive and fervour, whether for their profession or hobbies, this admiration can turn right into a type of longing after the connection ends. You were inspired by their ambition, and their zest for life.
Now, you miss being a part of that energetic pursuit of goals. Their passion was contagious, and without it, your life might feel a bit duller. The admiration you had for their ambitions forms a major a part of why you miss your ex.
21. The Safety and Security They Provided
Now, without that sense of security, you would possibly feel more vulnerable or exposed. You miss the comfort and assurance that got here with having someone who made you’re feeling secure. It’s the lack of this emotional and physical security that contributes significantly to why you miss your ex.
“I Miss My Ex!” How to Stop Missing Your Ex For Good
If you’ve been in love, you’ve been in this case before. If you’re trying to determine what to do to stop missing your ex, then now we have you covered.
1. Get Rid of the Negativity
If you miss your ex, push past the negative feelings. Are you ok? Did they even love you?
2. Realize Your Feelings
You need to realize why you’re missing them. Is it because you actually love your ex or is it just because your ego is bruised? I used to call my exes and take a look at to get their attention, not because I actually missed them, but because I wanted them to concentrate to me.
3. Get Back Together
This is just if, and we mean if, you really need to be with them. Don’t get back along with them and realize you were actually unsuitable.
If you’re missing them that much, possibly you truly did make a mistake. You can win them back. It’s possible. To get them back, though, you wish to work on yourself and see the issues you had inside your relationship.
Try working on yourself and thru that, show them you’re ready to check out the connection again.
4. Write Them Letters
But don’t send them! We repeat, don’t send them! Okay, send them one. If they reply, send them one other. However, don’t turn into a stalker sending their ex weekly letters, with teardrops stained on perfumed letterhead.
This applies to emails as well. And texts. And every other approach to communication.
This is more of a tool for you to express your feelings in a healthy way.
Write down every emotion, every thought you’ve got so that you don’t bottle every part up. Because eventually, you’ll snap, and no person needs to feel that way.
5. Keep Yourself Busy
Now, keeping yourself busy doesn’t mean observing their Instagram or checking once they were last on WhatsApp.
Speaking from experience, it’s a foul way to spend the day. Stay focused on yourself. Go to the gym, join a club, exit with friends. You won’t have the opportunity to not take into consideration them, but by keeping your days busy, you’ll reduce the chance to stroll down memory lane.
6. Think About You
Stop the sulking. If you’re missing your ex, either way, you wish to establish yourself at primary. Why? Because in case you’re not your primary, you’ll struggle to maintain a relationship and also you’ll suffer in getting over your ex.
Do you would like to get your ex back? If you don’t give attention to yourself and make mandatory changes in your behavior, your relationship can be the identical as before.
Do you would like to recover from them? Then make a conscious effort to drive within the thought that it’s okay to miss them, and you’re going to get over them. But what matters any longer is you, not someone you left behind for good.
7. Give Them Space
No one wants to get back with someone who’s continuously checking on them. It’s like slowly being suffocated with a plastic bag. People like space.
You like your space while you’re on the bus or sitting on the bathroom—so let your ex have theirs. However, we’ve said this before – don’t focus your entire healing journey on the potential for getting them back. Go about your enterprise, give attention to yourself, and you realize the road – what can be, can be.
8. Give Yourself Time
If you’re missing your ex, you wish to give yourself time to heal. The quote, “time heals all wounds”, is de facto cliché, nevertheless it’s true. It may feel like perpetually, but you WILL recover from this person before you realize.
9. Keep Goals in Mind
10. Remove Reminders
If you end up really missing your ex, taking down the photo of you two out of your fridge is a terrific start. And that teddy bear they gave you? And the necklace… oh, yeah, and handmade birthday card… just… yeah… How about we tuck those away for now?
11. Meet New People
You don’t have to join Tinder or have some kind of horrible string of one-night stands. If you do this, likelihood is, the grieving process will take even longer—except the swiping could also be fun!
12. Go to Therapy
There isn’t anything unsuitable with talking to someone. Actually, if you’ve got talked about missing your ex to your folks, they’re probably exhausted with this topic. I’m sorry, but We’ve been that friend and also you’ve been that friend — it’s not fun.
Speaking to a 3rd party is a terrific way to receive unbiased advice and an outdoor opinion on the situation. Friends are tremendous and good, but they’re not therapists. Sometimes, the recommendation a friend gives you’ll be able to be really far off the realistic mark!
13. Ask Your Friends Not to Talk About Them
If you’ve got mutual friends together with your ex, then bringing up their name in conversation is not going to make the grieving process any easier.
14. Sweat It Out
Everyone says physical activity is a terrific way to recover from someone, since it’s true. If you’re feeling stressed and anxious, the very best thing you’ll be able to do is to sweat.
15. Go Somewhere – Anywhere!
If your ex lives down the road from you, go on a vacation to get away from the constant reminder. Or move. But a vacation sounds nicer. It may even provide you with a break from reality and show you simply how big the world really is. You might return out of your trip with a complete latest outlook on life and love.
16. Get a New Haircut
You know what they are saying, while you change your hair, you actually mean business! This doesn’t mean you need to go too drastic and shave your head simply because that’s what the celebrities are doing.
17. Flirt a Little
You may not feel like doing this in any respect. When you’re continuously pondering “I miss my ex”, the final thing you would like to do is talk to another person.
18. Learn Something New
Distracting your mind could be done in so many various ways, but learning a brand new skill is a terrific way to go about it. You’ll expand your skill set, keep your mind busy, and you would possibly even meet numerous latest friends at your evening class.
19. Focus on a Mantra
You know that you just miss your ex but you furthermore may understand it’s over. The only way through that is with a steel focus to your mind.
A mantra can assist you to stay on the positive side, when all you would like to do is cry. “I am strong and fine on my own”. “I miss my ex but those feelings are valid. It’s in the past”.
20. Spend Time With People Who Build You Up
It’s tremendous to spend time with people outside of your regular circle. At times like this, you wish to be around individuals who construct you up and make you’re feeling strong. Think about who you often spend your time with, and ask yourself whether or not they make you’re feeling good or drag you down.
You Are Not Crazy For Missing Your Ex
Alright, so that you and your ex are not any longer a thing, and he was a complete dick-head… but he was also type of awesome when he wasn’t being such a jerk. Long story short? You usually are not so crazy for missing your ex. In fact, you’re totally normal.
If you end up asking, “Why do I miss my ex?” know that it’s an issue that pops up for many. It’s like your brain is on a nostalgia trip, often highlighting the great times and glossing over the not-so-great moments. Remember, missing your ex doesn’t mean you would like them back; it’s just a mirrored image of the complex human emotions you’re navigating. It’s a part of the means of untangling your life and emotions from someone who was once a major a part of your world.
