You’ve surely heard of green flags, red flags, and yellow flags, but I’m coining a brand new kind of flag: rose flags.
Rose flags are warning signs you’re seeing someone through rose-colored lenses. You are idealizing this person and falling for his or her potential but not the truth of them. Rose flags mean you’re headed towards a broken heart from your individual wild expectations and hope.
Here are three rose flags you’re in love with the concept of them (not who they really are).(*3*)
1. You should make constant excuses for them.
Most of the time, they don’t even have to present reasons for his or her wishy-washy or less-than-ideal behavior since you’ll simply fill within the blanks for them. For example, you tell yourself they’re so overwhelmed with work or that they’re having a nasty day or possibly they didn’t sleep well the night before.
Here’s the thing, though: life will all the time occur. To all of us. Everyone has crappy days on the office, gets in foul moods, and has nights of lackluster sleep. But these should not good reasons to treat someone we supposedly love badly, nor are these good reasons to not show up for somebody we’re dating. And, frankly, for those who’re still in a position to be there for them despite coping with the identical human struggles and so they’re unable or unwilling to reciprocate? Rose flag. Move on.
2. You describe them as having a lot “potential.”
Instead of specializing in their present-day attributes, you see them as someone who could do higher and will grow to be the person you wish and deserve at some ever-elusive future date. If they might just try harder!
However, people should not projects and also you shouldn’t need to attempt to fix, save, or mold someone into becoming who you wish them to be. While you should need to grow and evolve with the person you’re dating, if there are basic criteria they’re falling wanting from the very starting or if there are clear signs of incompatibility with regard to their personality, values, or life goals, they aren’t going to vary. They’re only going to carry you back and keep you from finding someone you’re actually meant to be with.
3. They have told you they’re not on the lookout for a relationship.
Finally, if someone tells you that they’re not on the lookout for something serious or that they don’t need a relationship, this isn’t a challenge to persuade them of your price or to make them feel in another way. It is a warning. It is the signal to walk away.
Stop falling for potential. It will only break your heart.(*3*)
