The thing concerning the clitoris is, it has no function beyond sexual pleasure. Yep, the whole organ—including each the ultra-sensitive button at the highest of the labia (a.k.a. the glans clitoris) and the interior “legs” (or the crura) branching in a wishbone shape across the vaginal canal—exists purely for orgasmic purposes. In fact, greater than 70% of ladies in a 2015 survey reported that they clitoral stimulation to climax during sex or that it made coming feel higher.
And yet this small but mighty body part is usually neglected, presumably because p-in-v sex doesn’t necessarily involve the clit. (Sad, we all know.) It’s a significant reason for the orgasm gap, or the proven fact that just 65% of heterosexual women report “usually” orgasming during sex in comparison with 95% of heterosexual men, Taylor Nolan, PhD, LMHC, Seattle-based licensed psychotherapist, sex educator, and member of the PlusOne wellness collective, tells SELF. (Bisexual and lesbian women are barely ahead at 66% and 86%, respectively.)
Narrowing that chasm means reprioritizing your clit in bed. Below, you’ll find different techniques to enable you level up out of your basic nub-rub.
But first, some advice for any type of clitoral stimulation
Whether you’re touching your personal clit or your partner’s, it’s necessary to know that no two are the identical. “Once you’ve met a clitoris, you’ve only met one clitoris,” Casey Tanner, LCPC, New York–based psychotherapist, AASECT-certified sex therapist, and creator of tells SELF. Meaning, there’s no single kind of stimulation that can feel best across the board.
All the experts SELF spoke with suggest starting slow and delicate. After all, a 2023 study found that the clitoris is sensitive since it has around 10,200 (!!) nerve endings. (For reference, your palm has about 17,000.) So you don’t wish to do an excessive amount of too quickly.
Using a light-weight, soft touch also helps get the blood flowing to the vulva, which makes the tissue swell and increases sensitivity, in order that anything you do down there feels higher, Tanner says. It takes time for the clitoris to turn into engorged, “just like a penis becomes erect,” she says. “The same way that touching a soft penis might not do much for somebody, stimulating a soft clit may not either.” As it becomes harder, warmer, and wetter, though, you’ll wish to construct pressure steadily, Jessica O’Reilly, PhD, sex and relationships expert at Womanizer and founding father of the podcast, tells SELF.
How to stimulate the clitoris during masturbation or with a partner
With your fingers
1. Start with some indirect touch. You don’t have to treat the glans clitoris as a “doorbell that you need to ring,” Dr. O’Reilly says. Instead, Tanner suggests layering the natural folds of your labia over the nub to massage it not directly. This way, you’re reducing any friction which may otherwise cause your clit to feel overstimulated.
