Chill is a word that other persons are consistently using to explain me.
It’s not a term I coined for myself.
Growing up, I used to be deeply, inherently unchill. I used to be emotional and scattered, in a family stuffed with cool-headed and put-together people. I had mood swings. I had anxiety issues. I had a complete host of unchill behaviors that followed me around and wreaked havoc on my personal and social life until a solid three years into highschool.
And then I grew up and chilled the hell out.
It’s not a lot that I got any less neurotic in my twenties – it’s just that I learned to channel my very own obsessiveness in additional productive ways. I became neurotic about my work. I became obsessive about my life trajectory. I cared deeply and passionately in regards to the areas of my life that actually mattered, and others I didn’t waste time on.
And so my ‘chill girl’ persona was born.
I got called ‘chill’ by guys I used to be casually sleeping with, because I didn’t pester them for a relationship.
I got called ‘chill’ by friends who travelled with me because I used to be all the time right down to exit and party.
I got called ‘chill’ by any acquaintance who knew me just well enough to grasp that I’d been across the block a couple of times and wasn’t shocked by much of what they may admit or propose to me.
My rampant open-mindedness and thirst for brand new experiences were seemingly synonymous with the word ‘chill’ and for some time that didn’t hassle me in any respect. It gave the look of a very good thing, to be chill.
It was what the entire Internet was vying for. It meant people were comfortable and open around me, and I liked that.
Until I began to appreciate that the term ‘chill’ was a double-edged sword.
It seems, many individuals equate the term ‘chill’ to the term ‘unemotional.’ They assume that your easy-going nature is a product of genuinely not caring about much of what happens in your life and so by extension, they don’t must care either.
And because it seems, it isn’t all the time fun to be regarded as ‘chill.’
It isn’t fun to be regarded as chill when people bail on commitments they’ve made with you and assume that you simply’re not going to mind.
It isn’t fun to be regarded as chill when someone you’re crazy about offhandedly refers to you as ‘one of the guys.’
It isn’t fun to be regarded as chill when people think they will blur the lines of consent since you ‘like to have a good time.’
It isn’t fun to be regarded as chill if you finally muster up the courage to confess you wish help or support with something major and are waved off because people assume that you simply’ll either figure it out on your individual or ignore it.
Being chill stops being aspirational when everyone around you starts assuming that having a laid-back demeanor disqualifies you from harboring real emotions. That every part just rolls off your back.
Because that’s exactly when being perceived as ‘chill’ gets a complete lot less quirky and fun: When people stop taking you seriously due to it.
The truth about chill girls (or guys) is that we’re never as chill as you think that we’re.
I don’t care if we get Korean or Italian food for dinner. I’m right down to come to your sex-positive warehouse party that began ten minutes ago. I see various sides of most situations and find it genuinely difficult to pass judgment on others consequently.
But I care a fucking lot about what matters.
I care in regards to the people in my life and my relationships with them. I care about my safety and health and well-being. I care about where I’m getting into life and who’s going there with me and what I actually have to supply to the world.
I give a shit about things that aren’t apparent in case you meet me at a celebration or in a coffee shop or in case you’re mindlessly scrolling through my twitter.
I’m chill in regards to the small, pesky on a regular basis issues because I’m deeply unchill in regards to the big picture.
And the identical might be said of most ‘chill’ people.
If I spend ten minutes arguing with the Starbucks barista in regards to the definition of the word ‘foam,’ I’m losing ten beneficial minutest of labor time. If I’m judging the outfit so-and-so placed on this morning, I’m sacrificing positive energy that I might be directing toward goal-setting. If I finished and took the time to freak out about every passing day-to-day concern, I wouldn’t have half of the energy that I do must devote toward my long-term objectives.
Call it ‘chill’ when someone holds different priorities than you do, sure.
But just know that behind one and all you call ‘chill’ is a one who cares deeply, intensely and fiercely about something else on the market.
Just probably not the identical thing as you.
