2. Practice giving and receiving compliments in a non-sexual context.
If you and your partner don’t typically notice and affirm little things about one another throughout the day, it’s probably going to feel kinda random or out-of-the-blue, at best—and jarring, at worst—in case you start being super effusive during sex. So make a ritual out of identifying and complimenting small actions that your partner takes as they’re going about their day (like, “I really love the way you tuck your hair behind your ears before you brush your teeth,” Francis suggests) to get the words of affirmation flowing.
A bonus? That’ll get you listening to the main points, Francis says, which are likely to be the things that light people up essentially the most—so that you’ll be primed to supply more specific (and thus, more meaningful) compliments come sexy time.
3. Focus your words on their actions.
Another tack? Rave about their to your touch, as in: “I love the way you come for me,” Dr. Brown-James adds. The more specific you possibly can get to whatever you each enjoy, the higher.
4. Highlight their character or physical traits.
You can’t go incorrect complimenting a side of their personality that makes them who they’re—like their confidence, intelligence, selflessness, kindness, or, yes, sexiness, which could be as much about their character because it is their physique, Francis says.
Saying something like, “It turns me on how smart you are,” can transform a garden-variety compliment into something hot enough for sex. Not to say, this specific praise may also set the stage for the sorts of affirmations which can be great across the board, like “You deserve pleasure,” or “You deserve to be worshiped,” or “You’re so worthy,” Francis says.
You may also call out specific body parts in your praise, assuming that they’re comfortable with you drawing attention to them—as in, “I can’t get over how good your ass looks,” or “Your boobs look so sexy right now.” Or, you might describe those attributes within the context of various sensations, like “I love the sound our bodies make,” or “I love the softness of your skin against mine,” Dr. Brown-James suggests. This way, you’re sharing how their body affects versus just the way it looks—which might feel much more intimate.
5. Rave in regards to the way they make you are feeling.
A twist on the above is to simply talk in regards to the effect they’ve on you, Francis says—something like, “You make me feel so excited,” or “I feel so lucky to be with you,” and even, “Every time I look at you, I am overwhelmed by how fucking awesome you are.” Sure, there’s nothing super explicit about these comments, but whispered of their ear or spoken at just the fitting moment, they may rev things up for dirtier praise to return—like, “I love the way you make my body feel,” or “…how you take control of me,” as Dr. Brown-James suggests.
6. Use words to strengthen a horny power dynamic.
Speaking of control, praise can play a starring role in BDSM play. Perhaps essentially the most classic example is the dominant partner telling their submissive that they’re such a great girl, good boy, or good pet. Or, they could compliment the sub on their skills (“You’re doing such a good job,” or “That’s exactly what I wanted”) to affirm their ability, Dr. Brown-James says, while also keeping them of their place and reminding them of whom they’re serving. (Hot!)
With a straightforward shift in wording, praise may also flow in the other way—from the submissive partner to the dominant one—also within the name of emphasizing the prevailing power arrangement and ramping up pleasure and arousal. That might sound something like, “I trust you so much,” or “You take such good care of me,” Francis says.
Even in case you’re not using language to play with control, BDSM practices generally is a helpful model for exploring any affirmation-based kink for the primary time. “It starts with not assuming that we know what another person wants unless they’ve explicitly asked for it and taking things slow,” Francis says. Because the most popular praise you possibly can get in bed will all the time be the type that you are feeling comfortable receiving, and that lifts up the traits and abilities you should be noticed.
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