Here is every part it’s essential to learn about getting over limerence, a mental state of romantic obsession and acute longing for an additional person who can result in an intense emotional roller coaster for the person experiencing it.
What Is Limerence?
First, knowing exactly what limerence is can enable you to understand break free from it.
Limerence is a term first coined by psychologist Dorothy Tennov within the Seventies, and it describes the experience of intense longing for an additional person, often without those romantic feelings being returned. Someone in a limerent state essentially becomes infatuated with one other person, their desire completely taking on their thoughts, feelings, and behavior. It is obsessive longing and it will possibly be an awesome feeling (but it will possibly also cause intense emotional problems and self-esteem issues).
When it involves the connection dynamic, limerence involves the person in limerence (“the limerent”) and the person they need (“the object of limerence” or “limerent object”).
Signs Of Limerence
Individual experiences of limerence will vary from individual to individual but some potential signs you’re experiencing limerence can include:
- Obsessive thoughts in regards to the object of limerence: A limerent person’s thoughts
- A powerful desire for the limerent object (whether there are signs of reciprocation of those feelings or not)
- Idealization of the limerent object: You will find the person you’re in limerence with to be utterly and completely perfect. You will place them on a pedestal and
- Emotional turmoil: When someone is experiencing limerence, they’re overwhelmed by its emotional rollercoaster. Limerence can include extreme highs, but mostly it involves deep lows including intense anxiety and profound feelings of self-doubt within the limerent individual.
- Intense fear of rejection from the person you’re in limerence with
- Intrusive thoughts in regards to the limerent object: If you’re in limerence, you are feeling as if you won’t find a way to flee thoughts of your object of affection. Everything will appear to remind you of them, even whether it is the loosest of associations.
- Mood swings based in your interactions with the limerent object: Whether the interaction is negative or positive can greatly impact your mood. For example, an instance of emotional reciprocation out of your limerent object can send you into euphoria while an undesired interaction or lack of contact could cause you to enter a deep state of depression.
If someone is in limerence, the symptoms of their limerent experience can have a profound impact on their every day life including their social life, their job, and their mental health.
Causes Of Limerence
There are various the reason why someone may fall into the experience of limerence. For example:
- Low self-esteem
- Attachment style (For example, an insecure attachment style, particularly an anxious attachment style, has plenty of overlap with the experience of being in limerence)
- Biological aspects
- Trauma
How To Get Over Limerence: 4 Helpful Strategies
The excellent news about getting over limerence is that it’s entirely possible. Here are a number of practical steps for making the healing process from limerence a little bit easier:
1. Work in your attachment wounds
Again, attachment issues, similar to an anxious attachment style, can result in an inclination towards limerence. Learning more about your attachment style and the way it impacts your relationships can enable you to with limerence, especially for those who fall into it often.
2. Improve your relationship with yourself
Working on self-love is imperative to moving on from limerence because, at its core, limerence isn’t in regards to the person you’re chasing. It’s about you and the way you are feeling about yourself.
Some ways you possibly can improve your relationship with yourself includes:
- Focusing on self-care
- Pursuing personal growth
- Spending time with individuals who love you for you
- Validating yourself
- Practicing mindfulness
- Building self-awareness
3. Seek emotional support from family members
For example, confer with a member of the family or close friend about what’s happening can’t only enable you to feel less alone, it will possibly ultimately enable you to turn out to be closer with your mates and family and improve your relationships with them.
4. See a therapist
Therapy generally is a helpful resource for somebody who’s having an especially hard time moving on from limerence. A mental health skilled can enable you to with strategies similar to cognitive restructuring which may enable you to reroute your limerent thoughts and get back to healthier mindset (and have a healthier love life in consequence). Some varieties of therapy you possibly can consider includes cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), commitment therapy, or schema therapy.
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Limerence is a fancy emotional state that could cause an immense amount of pain and disruption to your life. The first step to healing from limerence is to confess you’re experiencing it in the primary place. From there, you possibly can begin to let go. You deserve real love and a healthy relationship. Never forget that.
