Sometimes we’re our own worst enemies and sabotage our possibilities of getting what we actually need. Relationships, careers, fitness…we are able to derail ourselves in all areas of life. It’s a tough reality to confront … when there’s nobody guilty.
I’ve been writing about relationships for years and might’t help but notice patterns in where women go mistaken. It’s not anyone’s fault. No one sets out with bad intentions, attempting to sabotage their relationship. Usually, all a lady wants is to maintain her relationship strong and pleased. She wants it to last, but oftentimes she still finally ends up doing things that may push a man away and damage a relationship.
One area where people go mistaken is in not working on themselves and letting less-than-ideal character traits go unchecked. I believe that on the one hand, we’d wish to imagine that that is the best way we’re and the person we’re with should just take it or leave it, alternatively, we realize that isn’t really the healthiest attitude, especially relating to negative tendencies like being insecure, clingy, needy, jealous, vengeful, hostile and on and on.
Yeah, being this fashion is likely to be “yourself,” nevertheless it’s the worst of you. Why not make an effort to refine those weak spots and be your best self? This is the way you win.
Let’s take a look at some common areas where plenty of women go mistaken in relationships and how one can resolve them:
1. You select partners who can’t provide you with what you would like.
You won’t ever get what you would like in the event you keep settling for what you don’t want.
Maybe you’re only drawn to emotionally unavailable individuals who just don’t treat you right
Going for partners like it is a type of self-sabotage. It can occur when deep down you are feeling unworthy, you are feeling not ok. And these feelings are often rooted in childhood pain and trauma.
So deep down you will have these beliefs about yourself, and you then exit into the world and check out thus far and check out to seek out a partner but you simply seem drawn to those who don’t want you. And it’s because the subconscious mind is at all times trying to prove itself right. If you suspect you’re unworthy, you shall be drawn to partners who make you are feeling that way.
When someone does show real interest, you could be postpone because this doesn’t align with the way you see yourself. You don’t truly like yourself and also you, again that is subconscious, imagine anyone who does like or love it’s essential to be fatally flawed.
2. You don’t understand your triggers.
Don’t let your emotions run the show, you will have to take a look at why you’re reacting the best way you’re in certain situations. When we have now an intense, reflexive emotional response, it’s often the results of a core wound being touched upon or activated.
Try to discover what it’s, especially when you will have a powerful response to something pretty trivial.
Trace it back to your childhood- what were your unmet needs? And how might these needs be showing up in your adult relationships?
Whatever unmet needs you had in childhood are certain to get touched upon in a relationship and plenty of the time, that’s what you’re reacting to.
3. You commit too soon.
If you latch onto someone forcefully and commit yourself too soon, it’s often an indication that you just’re using this person as a method to fill an emotional void.
Healthy relationships construct slowly and evolve organically. There isn’t a must force things to maneuver in a certain direction.
When you are feeling an intense pull toward someone or are consumed with attempting to win them over and prove yourself to them, it signals you will have self-esteem issues you could work through. Maybe you see this person as a probability to avoid wasting you from something.
And the opposite person will most probably be postpone by this. First, it doesn’t feel earned, and second, we are able to all sense when someone is attempting to get something out of us and it doesn’t feel good.
You also may come across as too desperate and needy and it is a universal turn-off.
4. You’re too scared.
Loads of persons are operating from a spot of fear, they stay in bad relationships fearing they won’t find higher… or they’re consumed with fears of ending up alone.
When you come from a spot of worry and anxiety, you’re mainly saying “I don’t trust that things will work out for me so I’m going to question everything until I prove myself right.”
When you use from fear and have interaction with negative, fearful thoughts, you perpetuate the very reality that you just’re afraid of. It’s hard to attach if you’re on this fearful state, it’s hard to be vulnerable and drop your guard when deep down you suspect nothing is ever going to work out in your favor. This, in turn, will push away the very thing you would like essentially the most.
You need to get to the center of the fear- where is it coming from? What is the foundation? And challenge the fears. Maybe you’re thinking that you won’t find anyone… is that true? Can you understand with 100% certainty that’s true? No, you’ll be able to’t. So stop engaging with a thought that keeps you stuck where you don’t need to be.
Notice your thoughts throughout the day and ask yourself: Does this thought serve me well? Does this take me where I need to go? If the reply isn’t any, then stop engaging with the thought!
5. You are the victim.
Look, it happens to the perfect of us. We fall into the victim mentality and it’s hard to get out of it.
It doesn’t feel good, but in a way, it does feel easier guilty outside circumstances for our misfortune… to relinquish any personal blame and responsibility.
And I’m not saying greater forces aren’t at play… nevertheless it doesn’t serve you to dwell on that which is outside your control.
You must take responsibility. Take responsibility for yourself, in your life, in your actions and reactions.
Yes, I do know life isn’t fair. And it’s more unfair to some than others. But wallowing on this doesn’t serve you, it stunts you.
You have to take a look at yourself within the mirror and ask: How am I contributing to my misfortune? And how can I turn it around?
How are you keeping yourself stuck and what are you able to do today to interrupt free?
Create a vision of the life and relationship you would like and make a plan with small, achievable motion steps for a way you’ll get there.
