Dating involves so many things that [we’re socialized] to say makes a girl a girl, right? Your hair, your breasts. They are a part of your identity and may provide you with confidence. So if those change as a consequence of cancer, it will probably take rather a lot from you. But I’ve at all times been very confident in myself, and self-confidence can assist you get through it.
I actually have had some good experiences. I actually have an individual I’ve been friends with for a pair years, and we were intimate after he learned about my diagnosis. I’ve passed through chemo two times. This second time, now, is solely attacking the cancer, but the primary time it went through my whole body, and when that finished I used to be letting my nails and hair grow back. And I used to be fearful of showing him my hair, because I’d only worn wigs after we were together. But one night, I actually saw a unique side of him. He asked to see my hair, and I used to be terrified. But he just checked out me and said, “I don’t ever want you to wear wigs in front of me again.” I’ll always remember that. Especially coming from any individual who I’m not necessarily in a relationship with but who’s an excellent friend, it made me feel like he saw the sweetness in me.
These days, I enjoy meeting people in person moderately than from apps. I’m super social and I actually have no problem approaching any individual. And I get approached too, which at all times feels great. And interestingly, when my diagnosis comes up, it’s not as much of a problem. It comes up naturally. I’ll be wearing a blond wig, for instance. And someone will ask, “Oh, is that a wig?” And I’ll say yes, they usually often ask why. And I just tell them: I’m going through chemo. I’m really open. Sometimes people will certainly respond with something like, “Wow, I was not expecting that!” But I find in person it’s just very easy. But as corny because it sounds, it really starts on the within, and I believe that’s what people pick up on after we meet in person, versus the apps.
I’ll admit there are some times after I grapple with a rollercoaster of emotions. But for essentially the most part, I do all of the work I need to do to make me feel nearly as good as I need to feel. I like putting on my makeup, doing my hair, picking my outfit. I’ll do a smokey eye or wear a brand new wig. I’m into fashion, and I’ve turned to it a lot since my diagnosis. When I used to be little, I told myself that if I became successful, I’d make my closet appear like a store—with all the pieces lined up and my accessories on display. Now my closet looks similar to that. Putting together a complete look—the method just hypes me up.
It also challenges the concept there’s such a thing as looking sick. I heard it on a regular basis just after I used to be diagnosed: “Oh, you don’t look sick!” And I get it. People have a certain idea of what cancer looks like, but you shouldn’t assume it’s going to stop someone from doing what they wish to do or how they wish to look. That idea, that there’s a way a cancer patient is alleged to look, just puts them in a box. People don’t want to just accept that you could be out at a bar, having fun with life. It makes them uncomfortable—because then they will’t imagine you as someone they will pity. And that’s the massive thing with me: I are not looking for pity. That’s more disrespectful than anything—after I say I actually have chemo and someone routinely says, “Oh, I’m so sorry.”
Right now I’m going out and meeting latest people, and I actually have faith that those that do come into my life will see me for who the person I’m and the strength inside me. And I’m more excited for the moment where I get to ask that person in. Because that’s what a person going through this deserves: Someone who can realize your strength, your potential—someone who’s going to be by your side at the tip of the day. And if you happen to’ve just received a diagnosis like this, I want you to keep in mind that: What you’re going through speaks a lot to who you might be as an individual already. So walk into that date already impressed with yourself and the person you might be—it’s what sets you aside from anybody else within the room.
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