If you’re the token single in your group of friends, every wedding invite and sappy Instagram post can feel like a reminder that everybody else is in love—and (news flash!) you’re still alone.
You’re probably completely happy to see your favorite people thriving of their relationships. But still, being the odd one out could be a tough pill to swallow, Jayne Miller, PsyD, a licensed clinical psychologist based in New York City, tells SELF. Generally, “it’s always a challenge to feel like an outsider or outlier,” Dr. Miller says.
You may get jealous, frustrated, insecure, or lonely when you possibly can’t fully relate to your pals about their date nights, say, or engagement plans. Plus, you may feel added pressure to calm down ASAP, just to slot in, which will be pretty overwhelming.
As much as it could possibly suck to be the one person within the squad who hasn’t found love, your relationship status doesn’t need to hurt your confidence—or your friendships. Below, therapists share their top suggestions for feeling less isolated and shitty when everyone around you is coupled up.
1. Look beyond your little world and remember you’re not the one single person on the market.
When you’re surrounded by completely happy lovebirds, it’s natural to slide right into a self-doubt spiral, particularly in case you’re craving for what they’ve. But bear in mind, your small circle of partnered pals isn’t representative of what’s “normal,” Jenny Taitz, PsyD, Los Angeles-based clinical psychologist and creator of tells SELF.
“It’s easy to become your own bully and assume everyone else’s life is moving on and yours isn’t,” Dr. Taitz says. “But rather than getting stuck in that mindset and comparing yourself to your friends, it’s important to challenge this negative self-talk with kindness.” This could include reminding yourself that countless other humans on the earth haven’t found their soulmate yet—just take a look at what number of persons are using dating apps without delay! This reality check, she says, can make it easier to feel less such as you’re drowning alone in a sea of couples.
It also doesn’t hurt to expand your social circle to incorporate fellow singles you possibly can relate to, Dr. Taitz adds. (We get it: Making latest friends as an adult is tough, but the following pointers should make the method feel less daunting.)
2. Take advantage of the only life.
There are loads of negative clichés about how much it sucks to be single (think “forever alone” memes and the classic “cat lady” stereotype). In reality, flying solo has some serious perks, Patrice Le Goy, LMFT, a Los Angeles–based couples therapist, tells SELF—and embracing these brilliant sides will help ease any pangs of insecurity or envy.
For one, consider all of the free time and adaptability you’ve to explore latest hobbies and interests—like learning a brand new language or finally booking that dream solo trip. When your folks complain about their SO’s messy habits, say, or vent about their unbearable in-laws, be grateful you get to dodge that drama entirely. Plus, your married posse can’t flirt with that hottie on the bar—but you absolutely can! “Sometimes we can get so caught up in wanting to be in a relationship that we forget being single can be a time to focus on ourselves and our happiness,” Le Goy says.
3. Redefine what it means to third-wheel.
Being the third (or fourth or fifth) wheel doesn’t need to be this uncomfortable scene where a lovestruck twosome is lost in their very own world as you sit alone within the corner, clutching your wine glass. With the suitable activity and setting, you possibly can turn these outings into fun and not-at-all-awkward experiences.
