It also may not land with as much of a thud as you’re expecting: After all, as much as 45 million Americans have IBS, “and that’s probably an underestimate given that not everyone participates in research or surveys,” Dr. Riehl says. So there’s all the time a likelihood this person either deals with some type of IBS too or knows someone who does.
Plus in the event that they’re into you, they’ll be glad you told them because they need to want you to feel as comfortable as possible, Dr. Riehl says. (Good sex is a product of involved having fun with themselves!)
7. Fight a buzzkill with humor.
Take it from someone who publicly shares her struggles with IBS on the web and tells me she has an ideal sex life: Making light of symptoms with a partner is a greater coping strategy than attempting to hide them, Davis says.
For example, she recalls a time when her date ordered cheesy pasta for the 2 of them to share, and fairly than interrupt the moment with a discussion of her IBS, she simply acquiesced to eating it, though she knew it could trigger her symptoms. Lo and behold: She fully pooped her pants—for sure, the worst-case end result.
These days, she makes a joke about any food order that she knows won’t agree together with her: “I’ll be like, ‘I can’t eat that because I’m literally going to shit my pants. I’ve actually already done it once, so let’s get something else unless you want to experience that.’”
8. Adjust your angles.
Sometimes partnered sex might just seem infeasible with IBS symptoms, particularly if it involves putting pressure in your abdomen—during which case, it’s price considering how you may switch up your positions.
There isn’t necessarily a super one to go for, because where and the way you’re feeling discomfort can change, Jessica O’Reilly, PhD, sex and relationships expert at Womanizer and host of the podcast, tells SELF. “You might find that one day, being on top feels better; another day, spooning feels better; and another day, standing feels better.” Your best bet is to think about positions that don’t squish your belly into your bed or partner, as Dr. Boxer noted.
If you’re the receiving partner, Dr. O’Reilly suggests exploring a position where your partner sits on the sting of the bed, and also you’re in a slight squat over their lap. She says this may help alleviate tension it’s possible you’ll be holding in your pelvic floor—which is each common in folks with IBS and might make penetrative sex less comfortable.
9. Get into solo play.
It could also be easier to regulate your sex life around your IBS symptoms if you take a partner out of the image: You can do it every time your gut is in a very good mood (and stop if things take a turn for the gurgly without having to share that with anyone).
Masturbating may also show you how to get to know what turns you on and boost your body image, Dr. Riehl says, which generally is a helpful baseline for sex with a partner. (Not sure where to start out? Allow us to suggest a few of the perfect sex toys.) The more confident and comfy you might be in your body, the higher you’ll be at communicating the way you’re feeling in bed.
10. Remember that pleasure doesn’t should involve actual sex.
Maybe any glimmer of gas or flicker of a stomach cramp leaves you 0% concerned about sex. Or perhaps a toilet explosion sucked your libido dry. Whatever the case, there are sure to be times when your IBS makes sex unattainable—and that’s okay. Simply lying on the couch and cuddling together with your partner, or making out (and never going any further) can feel just as intimate, Dr. Riehl says.
Now, when Davis is on a date and her IBS flares up, she’s learned to let the person know the way she feels and sees if they may lie down together with her. “I’ve asked guys to just put their hand on my tummy or tickle my stomach when I’ve felt sick,” she says, “and it’s so intimate because it establishes that they care about me.” At a basic level, it feels good within the moment—which is de facto what sex is all about.
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