I’m not a giant crier. I shed tears, if I needed to guess, every few months or so. But my best friend? She cries at the whole lot: Movies, love songs, memories, how lovely our dogs are—and, after all, during arguments. I do know this because we lived together for years. We occasionally bickered, as roommates do, about dishes, bills, the quantity of the TV at night, and the way much we cranked up the AC in the course of the summer. These conversations often resulted in tears (hers, not mine).
I discovered this response…confusing, since our disagreements often felt like no big deal to me. Why did suggesting she pay for our Uber ride (since, ya know, it was her turn) send her tear ducts right into a tailspin? I’ve since learned that some people simply cry more easily than others. Confrontation, generally, brings up intense emotions, Molly Burrets, PhD, a clinical psychologist and adjunct professor of marriage and family therapy at USC, tells SELF—and a few of us are only more triggered and overwhelmed by, say, a raised voice, direct tone, or slight criticism, Dr. Burrets says.
If you may relate and also you’re fed up with not with the ability to get through a disagreement without breaking down, know this: It’s absolutely possible to cry less when shit hits the fan. Not that you just even must. But hey, should you to, we’re here to make your dream of bickering with clear eyes and dry cheeks a reality.
Here’s why you begin crying as soon because the vibe gets tense.
To be clear: There’s nothing fallacious with crying. In fact, it’s a very natural and normal physiological response to tense situations. “When you perceive a threat or experience high stress, your body reacts with tears as a way to release tension,” Dr. Burrets explains—which is why you’re feeling so significantly better after a very good cry.
Crying can also be how your body copes with emotional overload, or that feeling when sensations like sadness, joy, and anger develop into to cope with. At a certain point, you’re feeling the necessity to let go and release those simmering emotions (cue the waterworks). But that tipping point—that moment when you may’t hold it in anymore—varies significantly from individual to individual, Dr. Burrets says. Some people, like my friend, are more sensitive to the build-up of emotions and well up with tears as soon as they feel a splash of frustration or sorrow.
If you’re a simple crier, that may also be an indication that you’ve got a tough time processing and communicating your emotions, she adds. This could be because your loved ones avoided conflict if you were growing up otherwise you were reprimanded for talking about your feelings, or, for whatever reason, you only feel ashamed or embarrassed expressing yourself. These deeper-seated issues could make it tough to search out words that accurately capture what you’re experiencing, in response to Dr. Burrets. “As a result, crying can be a form of nonverbal communication,” she says.
How to stop yourself from crying a river at any time when you’re faced with conflict.
Even though crying is natural and healthy, you may wind up in situations where you desire to reel it in. Perhaps you get choked up if you butt heads together with your partner or your tears prevent you from having constructive conversations together with your roommates. Maybe you’re just fed up together with your eyes being red and puffy on a regular basis if you bicker together with your mom.
