The same goes for using particular names; some folks might get off from being called a whore or bitch or brat, whereas for others any of those words could be triggering, Engle says. So when you’re pondering of denigrating a partner or when you need to be labeled a disparaging term yourself, it’s best to speak that prematurely so everyone’s boundaries are clear.
You’ll also need to share any sexual fantasies that you just might reference (more on that below!), so your partner has context for why you’re telling them, for instance, that you just’re picturing all your mates watching you hook up, Engle says. (John Eros, a UK-based audio erotica star for Sssh.com, tells SELF his most-listened-to stories involve exhibitionism or being watched—a fantasy that’s easy to act out with just words.)
4. Try sexting before speaking.
Your texts could be a improbable testing ground for IRL dirty talk: You get the advantage of time to think through what you’re going to say and learn how to respond, Engle says. It’s also much lower stakes—you possibly can check out something somewhat more adventurous, and if it doesn’t quite work the largest risk is that you just get left on read, Boodram says, versus potentially ruining a moment when you’d said it aloud in bed. In this fashion, sexting can also be just a very good method for determining what you wish to hear or say. You won’t actually know what’s going to resonate—or not—until you experience it in context, and it’s higher to check those limits over text than while having sex, she says.
Firing off texts at any time when and wherever also makes it easy to construct your dirty repertoire with a partner. Once you will have this current of “taboo eroticism” baked into your on a regular basis chitchat, Dr. Tara says, it’ll only feel natural to get somewhat filthy in bed too.
5. Make more sounds during sex.
Going from silence to seducing a partner could be a big leap; as a stepping stone just try getting a bit vocal, Engle says. That can sound like moaning, sighing, or simply saying, “That feels so good.” To be clear, she adds, you don’t need to restrict yourself to at any time when you feel the will to make a sound: “It’s okay to ham it up a little bit.”
After all, the words are sometimes less essential than the energy you’re giving off. “Enthusiasm is the name of the game,” Engle says. “When your partner feels like you’re happy to be there, it’s good sex.” And making some noise is one option to get that across.
How to work out what dirty phrases to say
1. Start with some compliments.
As the name implies, dirty talk could be derogatory and even politically incorrect—nevertheless it actually doesn’t need to be, Dr. Tara says. Anything said with the express purpose of turning a partner on can count, even sexual praise.
2. Tease them with questions.
