A researcher specializing in narcissism and psychopathy reveals the five phrases (and their variations) it is best to look out for should you suspect you could be dating a narcissist.
“My ex was crazy.”
When someone tells you their ex was crazy, hit pause. Your next query, even when just voiced mentally, needs to be, “What drove them there?” Although there are some rare exceptions, in lots of cases, if a dating partner tells you their ex was emotionally unstable, you may have to wonder why they feel the necessity to disclose that in any respect, especially if you two are only attending to know each other. If it looks like a subtle smear campaign to discourage you from believing their ex once they inevitably attempt to warn you, it often is. Not only is “crazy” a pejorative and pathologizing term, it’s often narcissistic individuals who create deliberate chaos within the lives of others who are inclined to weaponize such language against their victims after continually scary them over the sting.
“I am not looking for any drama / Is this always going to be a problem with you?”
If the person you’re dating goes out of their method to prematurely inform you they’re not searching for any drama, it’s actually because they’re those causing it. They just don’t wish to take care of the aftermath or accountability of their behavior – to them, taking responsibility for his or her harmful actions is taken into account “drama.” Similar to this phrase, should you bring up a small issue you noticed while dating them or give them constructive feedback and their response is a difficult, “Is this always going to be a problem with you?” painting you because the wrongdoer for engaging in basic communication, you may have yourself an authority gaslighter waiting to drag a quick one on you.
(*5*)
If you’re speaking about certainly one of your accomplishments in passing and a dating partner tries to attribute your exertions and abilities to easily “luck,” this could be a sign of malicious envy which has been linked to each narcissistic and psychopathic traits in research. Healthy relationships are founded on what’s often called capitalization, the power to rejoice one another’s wins. If they appear to center themselves if you’re sharing your passions, dreams, or profession, they are going to exit of their method to sabotage you and hold you back in a while.
“My ex is my best friend / I have a female best friend. Nobody is going to get in between us.”
Narcissistic individuals enjoy surrounding themselves with many admirers and friends of the alternative sex they’re interested in, and a wealth of research suggests that men are inclined to be more romantically occupied with and interested in their female friends than women are to their male friends. Studies also indicate that narcissists like scary jealousy on purpose to realize power and control over you. If they appear to create a protective barrier around their close and shady so-called “friendships” that veer on inappropriate, it’s a method to safeguard their emotional cheating behaviors early on from healthy skepticism and scrutiny. Rather than settling for somebody who sets up a contest before even properly courting you, detach from the situation and realize you’ll find a dating partner who genuinely respects you and your boundaries. Otherwise, you’ll begin a brand new relationship with someone who will all the time prioritize the emotions of one other woman over you, and rest assured, you can be pitted against each other throughout the connection.
“You always take things the wrong way / You’re too sensitive / It’s just a joke / I need someone who doesn’t take themselves seriously.”
If a dating partner’s primary mode of comedy is demeaning you and telling you that you simply are overreacting, recognize they’re using “just jokes” as a guise to get away with their bullying behaviors and derogatory jabs. If you discover that your dating partner all the time makes brutal jokes at your expense, run. Any variation of the above phrases needs to be taken very seriously – as a red flag of a narcissistic one that believes in “cruel” types of humor, chronic, bullying sarcasm (which has been linked to psychopathic traits), and a partner who’s already revved as much as gaslight you into accepting their emotional abuse by making you think you’re humorless or too sensitive.
