You can have heard from a therapist, know-it-all acquaintance, or your favorite advice columnist that couples should aim to have sex not less than once a week to maintain their relationship pleased and thriving. But how legit is that this yardstick—and may you are worried if your personal sex life isn’t measuring up?
It’s hard to trace the precise origins of this supposedly magic number, but some experts credit a popular 2016 study, which found that banging once a week was the sweet spot for relationship satisfaction. (Doing it more steadily didn’t increase participants’ reported happiness, and doing it less was related to lower success.) The truth is, though, there’s no one-size-satisfies-all answer to how often you have to be having sex—regardless of what the research may say.
You must also know that pressuring yourself to fulfill a certain quota may very well hurt, not help, the standard of your love life, Casey Tanner, MA, LCPC, AASECT-certified sex therapist and creator of , tells SELF. “Setting these numerical goals might encourage people to approach sex with problematic ‘shoulds,’ like ‘we have had sex by now, it’s been two weeks!’” Tanner says. Also, banging since you “have to” (and never because you should) is a “great way to build resentment in relationships,” Dr. Brown-James adds—which “creates emotional and physical distance, leading to mistrust, miscommunication, and tension.”
Simply put, there isn’t a golden rule for the way often you and your partner must bone in order to be “healthy.” “In my experience, I’ve met happy couples having sex once a year who are far more connected than those having it once a week,” Tanner says. So as an alternative of fixating on the frequency, what really matters is that everybody involved feels protected, comfortable, and fulfilled.
If you’re unsure about whether your sex life is actually doing it for you, listed here are a few helpful signs to look out for in your relationship.
1. You sit up for having sex.
In other words, you shouldn’t be annoyed, feel guilty, or approach it with a “let’s get this over with” attitude. According to Tanner, these reactions are inevitable while you’re having sex out of obligation, fairly than real desire—which is likely to be the case for those who’re striving to fulfill that “perfect” once-a-week quota. (Unnecessary pressure might just kill your sexual chemistry in the long term, she warns.)
