It is a basic principle of human nature that we’ll place a premium on a scarce resource. This is why the guy who consistently has beautiful women around, whether he dates them or not, goes to seem more attractive to women.
“Desire,” Robert Greene explained in The Art of Seduction, “is both imitative and competitive.” We prefer to have what people desire for ourselves — or not less than we would like to be a component of it.
Some men don’t understand that there’s a giant difference between showing interest and chasing a girl. When she has clearly shown you, perhaps multiple times, that she doesn’t want you, but you insist that you need to have her validation, that’s chasing, and it’s unhealthy.
But most guys don’t get it. Even when she’s neither replying to their calls nor texting them back, they ignore the signs because they will’t handle rejection. If you’re this kind of guy, listed below are some hard truths it is best to understand.
1. You’ll most probably finish the identical way you began
Romantic Hollywood movies have sold us the concept that if you chase a girl endlessly, you’ll have a completely satisfied ending in some unspecified time in the future. But the hard truth is things only go this fashion when the ending is already scripted.
In reality, more chasing will only make you more annoying. And even when the girl accepts you after a protracted, exhausting chase, it’s rarely because your chasing made her change her mind — If she really wanted you as you wanted her, she would have accepted you already.
Rather, on the rare occasions a girl accepts a person after a protracted chase, she’s settling for you because she probably realized that perhaps she doesn’t have a greater option.
And a relationship where someone settles for you isn’t fulfilling. You’ll all the time be the lesser one attempting to prove yourself worthy. You’ll all the time need to be looking out because if someone higher comes along, she might ditch you.
It’s hard to respect someone who worships, doesn’t contend with you, or challenge you. If we don’t put any effort into something, it’s hard for us to see it as necessary. Same goes for relationships.
You need to be with someone who desires you as you desire them. This is the inspiration for any great relationship. If you’re the just one all the time doing the work, you’ll soon get exhausted. It requires two people who find themselves enthusiastic about a future together to make a relationship work.
2. You’re not seeing reality
Do you realize why so many men get hooked on chasing one woman?
They’re not seeing reality anymore. What they’re chasing is a picture of what the girl must be like based on how she looks externally. Because she looks beautiful on the surface, they imagine she could be perfect on the within too.
But is that this the case in point of fact?
Well, the vast majority of the time, how people look externally says nothing about their character. The reality is that a ravishing girl could also change into a pain within the ### like every other girl.
If the guy is being realistic, he’ll know that she has flaws just like every other person on earth, and he’ll also need to cope with those flaws if he wants anything long-term along with her.
Don’t get me improper. This doesn’t mean men should go after only perfect women. Rather, my point here is that in the event you really see the fact of what the woman is like — and never your projection of what she is — you’ll find a way to approach her in a less apprehensive manner.
Instead of chasing her desperately, you’ll show interest in attending to know her first to know in the event you’re even compatible in any respect in the primary place. This is a more realistic approach to showing interest in a girl.
Also read: Do Nice Guys Really Finish Last?
3. You have “oneitis”
Oneitis is a term used to explain someone who pursues the love, love, or sexual attention of 1 person to such a level that the eye and love of other potential partners are ignored.
Yes, oneitis is a thing, and most of the people have suffered from it in some unspecified time in the future.
But what causes oneitis?
As the writer and human behavior researcher, Helen Fisher, explained in her book Why We Love, infatuation normally happens after we exaggerate some good features of an individual and canopy up the defects as cute or charming.
And this obsession could make the infatuated guy lose sight of the undeniable fact that the girl will not be into him. All he can imagine is the 2 of them being together eventually.
He’ll ignore the advances of other women that might potentially result in an ideal relationship where his love might be reciprocated.
The obsession of the infatuated guy only makes him needier and fewer more likely to get the girl he’s obsessive about. And obsessively chasing someone that’s rejecting you may damage your self-confidence and even harm your mental health in some cases.
4. You’re not chasing what matters
Men who chase women don’t understand two things:
Firstly, even in the event you’re the very best guy on this planet, not every girl will such as you. Secondly, people naturally need to be a component of an ideal experience. No one wants any individual who’s forcing their way into another person’s life. It sends the message that you simply’re not high-value.
There’s a high probability the identical lady you’re obsessing over also desires another person.
We all need to have the value. And in the event you’re going around chasing people’s attention and validation, you’re not the value.
What matters is you being a greater version of yourself. Let relationships occur naturally. If she likes you, it shouldn’t be that difficult. It rarely is. She may not kiss you quickly or have sex with you immediately, but she’ll provide you with her attention and respect.
If you might have to do an exhausting chase, it probably was never meant to be.
How to Stop Chasing Women
Don’t assume you might have to do more to make a girl see your value after she’s already said “No.” Forcing things after she’s shown that she isn’t interested isn’t being romantic, it only makes things worse.
If you need to enjoy a healthy relationship, your partner has to want you as much as you wish them. Without that mutual desire, nothing works. Love is value fighting for, but you shouldn’t be the just one fighting.
Related: How to Really Know You are In Love
