I don’t know what the largest relationship issue was before the invention of smart phones, but on this digital day and age the wrongdoer behind most issues and confusions is texting.
Women can’t seem to grasp why guys take so long to text back and men are either oblivious to all of the turmoil their texts (or lack thereof) cause, or they only don’t get what the large deal is!
Trust me, I get it. I’ve been guilty of waiting with baited breath for my phone to make that beloved ding, I’ve played Text Detective, I’ve endured the agonizing pain of a stomach twisted in knots and a mind demanding to know: Why is he taking so long to write down back?… Why haven’t I heard from him today, isn’t he fascinated by me?… Why are his answers so short and vague, is he not into me anymore?…. Why did he initiate a conversation after which just disappear?
I’ve asked all of the questions and have experienced the roller coaster of emotions and overthinking that they produce. But why? Why can we get so wound up and stressed and anxious?
I’ve given this topic lots of thought and narrowed it all the way down to three principal explanation why us ladies work ourselves into such a tizzy over a man’s texting habits. Here they’re…
1. We Just Don’t Get It
Reality isn’t absolute, it’s created based on our own experiences and the way we interpret them. And we measure other people against a yardstick determined by our own personal codes of conduct. For instance, if a woman likes a man she will probably want to text steadily. If this guy doesn’t text her often, she assumes it must mean he doesn’t really like her because when she likes someone she would never, ever, leave them hanging.
What lots of women have a tough time understanding about men is the way in which they operate after they’re working on something. Men typically get absorbed in whatever task is at hand, and after they’re in that mode, nothing else exists outside of it. Women, however, are rather more fluid and might shift gears more seamlessly without completely losing focus.
Also, many studies have demonstrated that ladies primarily gain their sense of value and self-esteem through their interpersonal relationships. Men primarily gain their sense of value through their ability to have an effect on the world, from their ability to be “winners.” So within the context of texting and relationships, a lady’s head is at all times in the connection, even when she’s at work. I remember times once I can be at work doing what needed to be done and G-chatting all day long with a man I used to be seeing. Most women can do that, men typically can’t (a minimum of not those with demanding jobs). A man may start out texting you all day, regardless of how crazy his day is, but that may only occur within the early stages of a relationship and easily isn’t sustainable for the longterm.
The reason women get so frustrated is because they expect men to experience relationships the identical way they do. She wants to listen to from him through the day because that makes her feel cared for and even when she’s at work, she will’t help but take into consideration why he hasn’t texted simply to say hi or see how her day goes. She really desires to text him, because she likes him and needs to refer to him, but she doesn’t need to be the initiator so as an alternative she uses restraint and waits/hopes for him to text her, after which hits the panic button when he doesn’t.
Which brings me to my next point…
2. You Think It Means He Doesn’t Care
Men communicate otherwise than women do, and they sometimes talk for the sake of achieving some form of a goal or making a plan. A girl might get upset if she’s having a cute, banter sort of forwards and backwards with a man after which he just stops responding but this really means nothing! To her, going forwards and backwards and being all cute and flirty was their way of connecting, but to him the conversation wasn’t moving toward anything, and he just didn’t see a must respond further. While the girl may be getting all upset and wondering if something she said turned him off, the guy is just going about his day and specializing in something else and is totally unaware of the mayhem he has incited inside her.
Men, generally, are goal oriented while women are process oriented. Men typically talk for the sake of solving an issue or making a plan, while women enjoy talking only for the sake of talking. For women, talking is a method to bond and connect. For men, talking is just a method to an end. What matters more to men is the standard of the time spent with one other person. This is why two guy friends can sit on a couch watching the sport and say absolutely nothing to one another and still call it male bonding. If two female friends were sitting on a coach not talking, it will be because they were in a fight!
In sum, when a man doesn’t respond, or gives quick, short responses, what it really means is….nothing in any respect!
3. Fear
At the center of why girls get into such a tizzy over the entire texting issue is fear. The fear that this guy isn’t really interested, that he’ll hurt her, that he’s leading her on or is attempting to get something out of her. When we now have a fear or belief inside us, our psyche will try to seek out proof to back up how we feel, regardless of how destructive that thought is. We all navigate through the world with filter systems that soak up information we deem relevant and discard the whole lot else. For instance, if you happen to think nobody likes you, you’ll hone in on people not being nice to you and can disregard all of the signs that folks do such as you.
Liking a man is frightening, especially when the connection is within the early stages and also you’re not quite sure where he stands or if he’s on the identical page as you. You feel vulnerable, you’re feeling guarded, you’re nervous… and also you don’t quite trust that this one might be different than the remainder. So you search for proof that he’ll hurt you, thus confirming that you just’ll never give you the chance to get the form of guy you wish. When you don’t hear from him, it’s not because he’s busy, it’s because he isn’t fascinated by you, or he’s texting another girl. If he doesn’t reply to your texts for hours, it’s not because he didn’t have his phone nearby, it’s because he doesn’t think you’re vital. If his answers are temporary, it’s not because he hates texting and would moderately just see you in person, it’s because he’s annoyed by you and doesn’t want you to text him anymore.
I feel you get the purpose. The fact is, we create our own stories and if we let those negative stories keep on with the purpose where we actually start believing them as truth, we also create our own reality, a reality that brings our biggest fears to life.
Just think in regards to the guys who were into you that you just didn’t really like. I’m sure you didn’t even notice how often they texted, and also you didn’t even care after they replied or what they said. There was nothing at stake… and if you happen to heard from him, cool… if not then whatever. Trust me, I know the way hard it’s to have this mentality with the blokes you do actually like, but what I would like you to see is how much of an impact the thoughts we allow into our minds can have.
Solving the entire, “why are men such bad texters” conundrum really comes all the way down to working through your individual internal fears and crippling beliefs. When you come out on the opposite side, you won’t be wondering why he isn’t texting, you won’t even notice. And if you happen to do, you then won’t get upset and take it to mean he doesn’t care, you’ll feel confident that he does such as you because…why wouldn’t he? And if he does fade into the texting abyss never to be heard from again, then whatever! You’ll be freed up to seek out another person who does see and appreciate you for who you’re and that’s just so significantly better!
