If you’ve ever had the feeling that women speak a different language when it comes to dating, you’re right. They don’t like our direct approach; it’s not romantic and mysterious enough for them. They want mystery, guessing, romance, chasing ¾ you know, all the things that we hate and don’t have time for.
We’re men. We want to know what’s up, and we want to lay all the cards on the table. We want to go out there and find a woman to club over the head and drag into our cave. We’re bottom-line thinkers, and dating is more like business for us. We want what we want, and when we find it, we don’t want to pussyfoot around with indirect communication and cat-and-mouse games.
Give me a nod if you know what I’m talking about here…
Only one small problem with this approach, tiger: Women are delicate creatures. They want mystery and romance and a little bit of cat and mouse. They want the language of flirting to be “in code,” and they want to read between the lines and read the meaning behind things…They want us to do the same!
Blech! What a pain in the neck. Can’t we just find a woman who knows what she wants? Why do women have to be so mysterious and expect us to keep flirting “under the radar”?
Well, I suppose you can try that if you’d like. But if you don’t learn to speak the indirect, romantic and a little bit mysterious language of flirting, women are going to go back out in search of a guy who will play this game. Sure, the direct approach might work out for us. Again, we just want to get down to business.
But women want to shop around and to play the romantic flirting “Can you guess what I’m thinking?” game. Anything less and the magic just isn’t there for them.
Translation: the direct bottom-line approach brings no attraction with women…that’s our thing.
But women don’t even speak that language. So if you want to keep being direct and bottom-line and expect her to do the same, go right ahead…I wish you the best.
But if you really want to turn your dating life upside down (in a good way), the first thing you have to accept is that for women, flirting is a mysterious, indirect and romantic game. And just like any other game, you have to be in it to win it.
So what does it mean to get in the game of flirting? Well, let’s start at the beginning…
Flirting with women is all about getting off on the right foot. The first impression that you make with a woman will set the pace for the entire interaction…and relationship (if it goes there).
So the key to flirting effectively is getting off on the right foot when it comes to playing the indirect game of flirting. There are a few rules that you need to follow right from the start in order to start building the mystery and the romance.
First rule: Don’t telegraph your interest in her. Remember, women don’t care for the bottom-line approach. Besides, they know you’re interested in them.
How do they know?
Because you’re talking to them and actually showing some kind of interest in knowing something about them. This is enough for them to know that you’re interested. If you go out of the way to try and telegraph your interest, you’ve just killed the mystery.
Let’s face it: Men aren’t like women when it comes to being socially open. Women will talk to anyone about anything and everything ¾ even a stranger. But guys usually only engage someone in a conversation when we have a reason to do so.
So there’s no need to telegraph interest; if you’re talking to her, that’s a sign enough.
Second rule: Playful and teasing humor is the best way to get a fun and flirty vibe going right away. If you tease a girl, you start playing with her emotions. On one hand, you’re being fun and playful, but on the other hand, you have her guessing about whether you like her.
It’s perfect, especially because you can usually get her coming back to you with a few little jabs of her own. Believe it or not, what’s actually happening there is the beginning of sexual tension.
Just think about it; haven’t you ever had that great make-up sex right after a fight? It’s because a little bit of friction arouses sexual tension, and there’s only one way to release that tension. Can you guess what it is?
Third rule: Confidence is sexy. In fact, there’s nothing sexier to a woman than a man who has confidence. Not money, not muscles, not a great car, not a great body. Sure, it does help to have all these things.
But your level of personal confidence when it comes to your interaction with a woman is usually equally proportionate to the level of attraction you’re able to build.
Now, since we’re talking about confidence, I’m sure you’ve already heard the obvious things:
- Eye contact. Yes, that’s important.
- Good Posture: Yes, again, important.
- Using her name when you speak to her. Yes, important.
- A melodious and enthusiastic tone. OK, OK…it’s important.
But you already know all those things are important. The key is making these things a natural part of your personality, and there’s only one way to do that: to have genuine confidence to the very core of who you are. This means that you put a high value on yourself.
This isn’t something that you can imitate. You have to develop it by approaching every new interaction with a woman with the mindset that you don’t need her to be attracted to you. You don’t need anything from her. You don’t even need her to like you.
While this might sound counterproductive, it will give you a sense of inner confidence which will allow you to play the indirect game of flirting without being afraid of whether or not you’re “doing well with her.”
The final rule of having a fun and flirty first interaction: Take it to a physical level as soon as possible.
