I lay in my husband’s arms, a small spoon nestled inside his big. His arm is draped around me and his large palm rests over my heart. I sigh with contentment. The worries of the day seep into my pillow and tight muscles soften as my heartbeat slows down.
This is the tantalizing, healing power of touch.
So let me ask you – have you ever snuggled your sweetheart today?
As you will notice on this video, intimate non sexual touch is a good looking nonverbal option to cultivate connection, calm, and a way of psychological safety. Plus, it feels really great.
The Power of Nonverbal Communication
Now let me share something that could appear – well – a bit radical. We talk an excessive amount of!
So much of our relationship connection is predicated on words. Now in fact we want to debate all of the realities of life, of running our household, getting the youngsters to their hockey practice, whether to refinance the mortgage this yr – all of the business of what I call “Marriage Inc” or “Relationship Inc”.
We also use words to enhance Fondness and Admiration – from sharing an appreciation to responding to our partner’s bids for connection. And yet too many couples don’t cultivate their touch practices.
Well, I’m here to alter that. Why? Because touching strengthens your relationship – and it is comparatively easy to do.
In my online Become Passion couples program I teach Touch More Touch Often. This is one small lesson in a comprehensive program that covers what I call the Three Keys to Passion. We do extensive work on communication, conflict resolution, recreating romance, betrayal recovery, sexual desire issues and rather more.
Yet once I ask couples for feedback about this extensive program one in all the highest three responses is “the importance of touch and the Three Breath Hug” – although that is one of the crucial easy things I teach.
So let me ask you again – did you snuggle your sweetheart today?
If not – and even in the event you consider yourself a champion snuggler – listed below are a couple of touch practices you possibly can add to your relationship repertoire.
The Three Breath Hug
Face your partner. Then embrace. My man is 8 inches taller than I so my face rests on his chest. Wrap your arms around one another deeply and hold fairly tightly. Place your palms flat in your partner’s back. Then inhale together, pause, and exhale together. Then repeat twice more.
Naked Bedtime Snuggles
I do know, you prefer to wear your banana printed flannel PJs or the faded Rolling Stones tee shirt and boxers to bed. You get cold, you aren’t a fan of sleeping naked and hey, what if the hearth alarm sounds and you’ve to run outside? Look, I get it. But…the positive physiological and emotional impact of skin on skin makes nude snuggling more soothing and effective. That’s why I challenge the couples I work with to make a unadorned snuggle a part of their bedtime routine. Don’t overthink it – simply slip off those pjs and nestle in together for a couple of minutes. Then in the event you really want those knee socks over your icebox toes, slip them back on before you drift off to sleep.
Hold Hands Everywhere
Lucky for me, my husband and I each love physical touch. We hold hands while we walk the dog on the beach. If he’s driving, my hand is on his knee or caressing the back of his neck. We’ve arranged our sectional couch so the length of our bodies press together while we watch a movie – and yes, our fingers or feet are entangled. In other words, we make touch intentional. So I challenge you to purchase latest cuddle-worthy furniture, schedule a timer to beep to remind you to hug or kiss your sweetheart, and in many various ways make touch intentional, too.
So why does touch feel so good? Think of a newborn baby. Twenty years ago, II had the dignity to witness the house birth of my best friend’s daughter. As soon as sweet Nora got here out of the birth canal her father whipped off his shirt and held his baby girl to his bare chest. It was pure instinct – skin on skin, heartbeats together – and she or he was secure, connected, and welcomed to the world outside of the womb.
What Touch Means
We are born to the touch and be touched. As adults, if we’re uncomfortable with touch, that is learned behavior. Perhaps we grew up in a household where loving hugs and kisses goodnight were completely absent – behavior our parents learned from their parents and so forth. Perhaps we were shamed once we sought healthy cuddles. We can have been traumatized by abusive touch. The beautiful thing is, we are able to re-learn the natural enjoyment of healthy human touch.
Human touch prompts our parasympathetic nervous system – that is the calm down system that slows your heart rate, lowers your blood pressure, reduces anxiety and stress and lets the mind know “you are safe, there is no tiger hunting you, relax and let go now”. Some recent research proposes that once we activate the vagus nerve – which acts somewhat like a highway between the top and the center – this also creates calm and safety. Guess what seems to stimulate the vagus nerve? Activities like touch, synchronized respiration, and placing your hand over your partner’s heart.
So in the event you, like too many couples, only are likely to touch during sex – it’s time to redefine the role touch plays in your relationship. One Three Breath Hug at a time.
If you enjoyed this video, try Dr. Cheryl’s live free couples workshop on the Three Keys to Passion.